What if there were no hypothetical questions......?

Apart from that little is happening on the drama front, even Chuffer’s love life has ground to a steady halt. Still time to think about the weekend away soon and Chuffer will no doubt be reviewing his chatting-up technique and his array of after-shaves in the hope of roping in other victim-sorry I mean lady friend.

Due to different reasons I haven’t been to the pub quiz for the last couple of weeks so nothing to report there, dear oh dear old age must be taking its grip.

We were all off to the point-to-point at Lockinge today, an annual event frequented on a regular basis by a bunch of us formerly known as the Cheapskate Theatre Club. However the weather looks dicky to us so its back to a friendly abode and food and a little drink will no doubt be forthcoming. Not too much I hope as a) I still have a headache from last night and b) I’m off to take the photographs for The Memory of Water this evening.

Before I retired (this is early retirement I mean, I have yet to reach the magical 65 years) folks who had finished work used to say ‘I don’t know how I had time to go to work’ and of course you nod sympathetically thinking you daft sod. But I am here to tell you the fact is true, the days fly by and I don’t know how I had the time to go to work-really. I can hear you nodding and muttering now ‘you daft sod.’ Ah well it all makes the world go round.

I am a keen theatregoer and many’s the time I have attended shows every week sometimes twice a week. However I have been disappointed so often the attendances of late have dropped off. It is also tinged with the fact that as you know I think the selection of plays offered by the Oxford Playhouse is a bit naff and have to travel many a mile to Windsor, Bath or Cheltenham to find theatre fare a little more to my taste. I offer this as my whinge of the week as I have gone right off politics and reckon there is not a lot to choose between the thieving swine that reside in Westminster.

Now I have been stumped by explanation by our glorious leader of how the credit crunch came about and how to solve it. Apparently it was caused by banks lending megatons of money to people who couldn’t pay it back and the answer is to lend even more money possibly to the same people……confused? So am I, so read on dear friend The financial crisis explained in simple terms ...

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognises these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank, (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity), decides that the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.

Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities, are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Finally, an explanation I understand...!!