Well I knew it couldn't live up to expectations and would no doubt be a disappointment, but I didn't know to what extent.

So it's with a heavy heart that I have to report that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (we should have known with a title like that) is almost unwatchable.

Now considering the talent involved, it's hard knowing where to point the finger, but I guess the biggest problem is the script. It's seems amazing to me that after fifteen years of trying to find the perfect screenplay, they could settle on something as hackneyed as this. All the charm and originality of the early films has been replaced by cliché, leaden dialogue and thin characterization. Sadly it resembles more Stephen Summers Mummy films than it's illustrious predecessors.

The plot is a mess, being at best incomprehensible and at worst embarrassingly lame. You know you're in trouble from the very beginning when Cate Blanchett announces that she's a psychic, sent by Stalin to read Indy's mind. (If only she'd had the good sense to see where the film was heading, she could have saved us all the bother of watching). Amazingly this skill is soon forgotten by the writers (until the very end), as is the slightly interesting idea that the CIA suspects Dr. Jones of being a communist.

I imagine these plot devices were left over from an earlier script and this is probably the real reason why everything seems forced and awkward. Over the past fifteen years so many different writers have been involved that the whole thing has become so confused the original idea has been lost forever.

As for the crystal skulls themselves, I'm still not really sure what they do or indeed why anyone would go to all the trouble to find one. I think it was something to do with obtaining the ultimate weapon, or perhaps they were just left over from Close Encounters and the notoriously tight George Lucas thought he'd save a few of his millions.

But I hear you cry; we don't care about a coherent plot and fine characterization, what about the action?

Well, apart from a vaguely exhilarating motorcycle chase, the rest of the films set pieces are dull and rather unthrilling. Most are hampered by dodgy CGI, or cringe worthy attempts at humour. The sight of Shia LaBeouf swinging through the jungle like Tarzan was enough to make me want to renounce cinema going forever. And don't get me started on the giant ants, which seemed to have escaped from Peter Jackson's King Kong.

Of course throughout all this the actors gamely try their best, but ultimately they're not given much to work with.

Poor old Harrison just looks like a confused old man, whose famous smirk seems more like the onset of dementia then the charming smile of yore. Young Mr. LaBeouf does a game job of preparing himself for the obligatory spin-offs and Cate Blanchett vamps it up with apparent glee as Irina Spalko. As for Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, now we know why she hasn't made a film in years. She's as wooden as the crate they locked the Ark of the Covenant in.

The real culprit behind this train-wreck of a film is George Lucas. The man hasn't had a good idea in over thirty years and should really leave film making to the experts. If it weren't for him we'd have been left with the memory of Indy riding into the sunset, instead of mugging to the camera as he takes his wedding vows.

And Steven, you really should know better. Leave the kids stuff behind and get started on your Lincoln biopic.