Things are progressing apace on the group weekend away. The hotel is booked and it’s boiled down to just eight of us going. Ah, remember the halcyon days when 27 intrepid pioneers ventured to Blackpool on our first away trip. Still a great weekend will be assured and the hotel has to be an improvement on the one where we stayed in Dover especially when we found out that it had been voted the worst hotel in the UK on a TV programme the previous year. The whole weekend was such an unbelievable disaster I wrote a play about it for posterity. This snippet will give a flavour of the place and remember it’s true. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, except for George the old actor/manager.

Enter Keith to reception Keith: There is no plug for our washbasin.

Brian: That isn’t a problem.

Keith: Why?

Brian: Because there’s no water. Where did you find this hotel George?

George: It was recommended.

Keith: Who by Al Qaeda?

George: Look, it’s all paid for so there is nothing we can do. Let’s make the best of it and look on the bright side.

Keith: I haven’t found the bright side. Our room certainly isn’t on the bright side. We’re looking over a pile of filthy dustbins out the back. There’s nothing bright about it.

Harold Pinter eat your heart out.Now after my beef last week and the encouraging comment proving someone at least reads this blog, I shall put forward another whinge ‘cos that’s what I’m good at being a protégé of Victor Meldrew. As avid readers will know I slipped like an old fool a few weeks ago and ended up in the JR for the night. (Nice room, good service-five star rating) and had occasion to miss the few days we had booked in France with some friends. Now as I was covered by travel insurance I thought I would claim the hotel at least. Having paid £25 (£25!) to the doctor to fill in the necessary form to say I was incapacitated I sent all the documents off to the insurance company. I even included a letter in French from the hotel to say I didn’t arrive due to my accident. As the letter slipped from my hand into the letterbox I knew, I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. Sure enough ten days later you get the letter –we need another bit of paper-more proof that you didn’t go away. I am sure it’s done so you say to yourself you cannot be bothered and don’t pursue the claim. After a warm conversation with the company in question the case continues watch this space.Returning to amateur dramatics rehearsals have started for Accrington Pals and I am sure it will be a winner as for starters it’s directed by the talented Kate Belcher. A running commentary on the state of play will be posted here each week. Now some years ago I was meeting a friend in a hotel bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him, "That girl over there just rated me a nine out of ten." "I don't want to ruin it for you, but when I walked in, they were speaking German." Typical.