As Oxford welcomes a new batch of first-year university students, I thought I would put together my own version of an Oxford survival guide for my American compatriots.

I'd like to think I have at least a few pearls of wisdom to offer those brave souls making the trek across the Atlantic to further their education, after one year and counting on these shores.

I now look back at the nave bunglings of my first few weeks in Oxford. If only I knew then what I know now! Lucky for you, I have, in my infinite benevolence, opted to grant you that chance. Make of it what you will.

Lesson Number 1: Patience is Virtue: Taking a while to get your Internet connection set up? Still waiting to gain access to your bank account? Loan cheques delayed? Take a deep breath. Abject expressions of irritation are unlikely to make a difference and the accompanying rise in blood pressure will take years off your life.

It is, after all, the unfortunate reality that people/business/life moves sloooowly in England, much more slowly than we Americans are used to.

Living in England, however, has gone some way towards weaning me from my need for instant gratification.

Lesson Number 2: Beware the Buses: At first glance, Oxford may seem a placid, genteel town, but be warned - it's a jungle on those streets. Whether a pedestrian or a cyclist, you will have to learn the rules of the road quick here, or risk becoming roadkill.

It is bad enough that the English drive on the wrong side of the road. But add the narrow, cobblestone surfaces, teenage cyclists with a death wish, slow-moving 80-year-old German tourists, and the hulking menaces that are the Oxford buses and you've got yourself a terrifying obstacle course.

Rainy conditions only compound the problem. My advice: buy a bike helmet. Even if you're only walking.

Lesson Number 3: Take Out Another Loan: Don't hesitate, do it now, because I guarantee you WILL run out of money. Oh, sure, you calculated in the exchange rate when budgeting your expenses.

But did you really think a latte at Starbucks was going to cost you the equivalent of $5?

Not to mention that in the last year, the dollar-to-pound ratio has only got worse.

There's no stopping it from hitting the 2-to-1 mark at this point. The sky's the limit!

At the same time, how many opportunities are you going to have to live in Europe, with the ability to jet off to Prague or Sardinia for the weekend on a whim?

Or guzzle pints of beer in a pub built in the 13th century? So instead of pinching pennies and stressing over prices, sign away a little more of your future to the federal government and tell yourself you won't need money when you're old and infirm.

If my American readers follow these three simple rules, I guarantee they will experience less stress and maintain all their limbs over the duration of their stay at Oxford.

But if all else fails, skip the first two steps and go straight to the "guzzling pints" in a pub section. That should do the trick!