BROKEN hearts littered the cobbled walkways of Christ Church just seconds after the news broke – Alex James, best known as the bass player of Blur, would not be attending the Festival.

Of course, it wasn’t as if he was going to play, but nonetheless the Kingham resident's star still shineth bright enough – especially after this year’s Brit Awards – for his absence to be greeted with the same kind of hysteria that once heralded a Beatles concert.

But worry not, the Literature Festival hasn’t become a cornerstone of the Oxford cultural calendar without good reason – for in his place, as if by magic, a chap called Gerard Baker – a chef, food writer and broadcaster – suddenly appeared. Good looking certainly, and a worthy substitute too, but sadly lacking the animal magnetism of a bona fide rock star.

Fortunately, the event’s other presenter, award-winning food writer Henrietta Green, was spunky enough to make-up for Mr James’ untimely disappearance (and the rest of Blur had they been invited), a faux pas she was keen should not go unnoticed.

Curtly referring to the guitar boy’s non-attendance she said: “Thumbs down to TV’s Loose Women where apparently he’s decided to go instead,” before wondering like someone seasoned to sophisticated autopsies, if he’d ever “made a bit of cheese in his life…” Ouch.

For what it’s worth, the talk at Christ Church Hall yesterday, entitled British Cheese – The Young Pretenders, was great value for money.

For £10, guests were each treated to a plate of cheese. And yes, so far, so good, but when Henrietta and Gerard started doing to the cheese platter what Jilly Goolden has done to wine for years, I found myself lost in a torrent of effusiveness. With words such as ‘volatile’, extraordinary’ and ‘magical’ being bounced around (“evaporates in a cloud of velvet” broke my camel’s back), I decided to take my leave before my ignorance of curds and cultures exposed me.

Seeking to ‘ground’ myself, I sought sanctuary with Sam Moorhead and David Stuttard, two historians presenting a lively debate on those Romans – Long Live Caesar – who shaped Britain. And I really do mean ‘lively’.

When I was at school, history had all the spontaneity of a dialling tone. But not any more. Thanks to programmes like Time Team, historians have had to ‘up’ their game, and two more polished performers I couldn’t have wished for. Like Armstrong and Miller, Bremner and Fortune, Ant and Dec, they tore into their subject with all the wit, style and irony of a Channel 4 Morecambe and Wise.

Cost, again, was £10 but frankly that was giving it away.

Moorhead, voted Archaeologist of the Year 2011 (seriously, they have such awards) and Stuttard, a historical storyteller, easily eclipsed the other events I have attended (with the exception of course of A Genteel Tipple Through Gin on Saturday).

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