NO word of a lie, the following is a genuine lifestyle story, reproduced word for word, as I uncovered it this week while researching a possible healthcare feature for the paper.

And I tell you, thanks to this kind of highly informative article, I’ve decided to take a back seat on this column for the next 200 words.

After all, if it ain’t broke as they say, why fix it? And I do think it’s educational too...

“Getting set for your summer holiday?” it reads. “Doing home-improvement projects can burn some serious calories.

Drilling – to tone and strengthen your biceps, triceps and chest muscles. Try to change hands when using the drill, so you work both arms, and stretch your arms and shoulders between drilling sessions.

Sawing – to tone and strengthen your waist, abdominal muscles, biceps and triceps. Pull in your stomach and buttock muscles when sawing, and flex your upper body as you push the saw.

Sanding – to tone and strengthen your biceps, triceps and shoulder muscles. Flex and relax your upper-arm muscles when using an electric sander.

Painting walls – to tone, strengthen and lengthen your waist, and work your biceps, triceps, abdominals, buttocks, lower and upper legs. Make sure you stretch and flex when painting your walls. Using a paint roller is a great way to get a full upper-body workout.

Vacuuming – front-to-back vacuum cleaning tones and strengthens your shoulders, chest and core muscles, arms, and lower and upper legs, while side-to-side vacuuming works out all of the above muscles and the large group of muscles in your back. When vacuuming up your DIY mess, see it as a whole-body workout.”

And now I’ve completely renovated and redecorated my apartment in order to stand tall and look ‘ripped’ beside the Thames in Port Meadow, I’d like to focus just as earnestly on why the law is – and has been for years – a complete ass. Of course, we all recognise this simple truth; it’s just good sometimes from a mental heath point of view to actually say it out loud.

But especially so this week, since we’ve learned that the clock allowing police officers to detain individuals for 96 hours has been successfully challenged, meaning all 6,000 suspects currently on police bail in Thames Valley could now escape justice.

Not surprisingly, our local police are outraged by the stupidity of this High Court decision. Which just makes me wonder again why anyone would choose to be a police officer?

After all, it is an extraordinary calling. Consider not only the very real dangers of the occupation itself, but the fact that whatever a police officer does, they’re totally and completely and forever in the wrong – in the eyes of the criminal, often the public, and always the courts.

Thank God, then, there are still people who, knowing all these facts, still want to protect and serve.