‘I am a very self-motivated individual who is capable of both working in a supervised and unsupervised capacity. A strong team worker, who enjoys the company and energy of others, I am also comfortable working within a solitary environment.

The keynotes of my personality are drive, self-belief, ambition (both in achieving my professional goals and in the support I lend colleagues), prudence (when budgets demand it), spontaneity (when deadlines are looming) and a sense of playfulness only a free spirit can demonstrate when challenged to produce their very best...’ Give or take the odd ‘is’ and ‘a’, I have received many job applications like this and my reaction is always the same – I retch into my nearside drawer.

Quite why job seekers in their teens and early 20s feel the need to write this tosh is beyond me, although I suspect it’s the work of some unholy allliance between school career advisors and human resources consultants who feel the need to justify their salaries.

Even school children applying for work experience now knock them out with all the blind indifference I once reserved for religious education essays.

My point though is this: despite the fact they are a complete waste of time (and trust me, nobody ever says: ‘Wow, this candidate believes in ‘ethical advancement’ – let’s hire ‘em...’), they always omit the one critical qualification that truly separates the wheat from the chaff – and that is whether or not said Billy or Bridget is nice.

Yes, ‘nice’, in inverted commas because it’s rather lost its way in recent years. Nice, according to the Oxford English Dictionary at least, is someone who is ‘kind, pleasant and good natured’.

Now ask yourself this; if you were looking for someone to hire, who would you prefer? - 1. someone who, in a ‘declaration of lifetime goals’ claims to study Sun Tzu’s Art of War (‘every battle is won before it is fought’, ‘a leader leads by example not by force’), or....

2. someone who says; ‘I would love to have the opportunity to come and work with you...’?

For me, it’s always the individual who presents themselves from the heart that comes out on top, because frankly, what else matters?

If you have to work with someone, especially in an office, don’t you want that person to be enthusiastic, cheerful, happy, willing and appreciative?

I never fail to be amazed – and depressed – by the number of people who genuinely believe that long words and well-rehearsed cliches are more impressive than simply being eager and positive. Indeed, a person’s infectious enthusiasm is, I think, far more valuable to a company than someone who simply has the cold, clinical ability to do a job, but not necessarily any warmth or good-heartedness.

After all, skills you can teach; ‘niceness’ you can’t.

But if all of the above makes you want to reach for the bucket (or your nearside drawer too), might I suggest this alternative: an anonymous brown envelope with a couple of crisp £50 notes – untraceable – in it!