Have you ever fantasized about what you’d do if you saw someone vandalising or stealing a bike? What about if it was your bike? In some cultures, you insult a person’s family at your peril. With me, that goes for my bikes as well.

A recent Oxford Mail story showed how you can steal a bike in Oxford in broad daylight and go totally unchallenged. What is wrong with people these days?

I can’t help but look after bikes – any bike. It drives my longsuffering wife mad(der) when I straighten fallen bicycles in bike stands as we walk along the street.

Why bother? Because bikes hanging at a precarious angle are an invitation to bike-bashing thugs. I set them straight so the owner can return to the gleaming steed that they left rather than a sad sight with its wheels staved in.

I cycled through town and along Cowley Road at 1.30 am last night, my knuckles clenched and my eyes peeled.

I’d just read the news reports about the rise in bike thefts in Oxford. From the start of April 2009 until the end of March this year, 2,137 bikes were stolen – a rise of 352 on the previous 12 months.

I observed two suspects tinkering with bikes outside the Jamaican Hi-Lo, but they had pannier bags and keys for the D-locks. Plus they didn’t look like fiver-hungry junkies or boot-sale bike-dealing hoodies. I rode on. But what if they’d been stealing or vandalising the bikes?

The Bicycle Super Hero in me would have stopped on a ha’penny, spun around and rugby tackled the miscreants to the ground, got them face-down on the pavement in an arm lock and done a citizen’s arrest.

Tricky with two of them, granted, but I ain’t a Bicycle Super Hero for nuffink.

The police are blaming the rise in thefts on stupid cyclists who don’t lock their bikes properly, i.e. with a D-lock or thick (heavy) chain through the rear wheel and the frame, always fixed to an immoveable object. Like a bike stand. Which is why the police have also criticised the council for failing to provide sufficient secure bike parking in the city centre and suburban shopping areas.

A determined and well-tooled thief can get through virtually any armoury given time, so you need to be prepared: 1. Get a D-lock or chunky chain – pay as much as you can afford – at least 10 per cent of the bike’s value and never leave the bike unattended without locking it.

2. Take your bike to any police station any time and get it engraved with your postcode. It’s free.

3. Make a note of the bike’s frame/serial number.

4. Take a photo of your bike.

5. Send details about your bike, including frame number, colour, make and distinguishing features to the police. Officers will then load the details onto a database and check it if they stop a suspected thief on a bike. This is the dedicated email address: eastoxfordbikedatabase@thamesvalley.pnn.police.uk.

And if your bike does get stolen, ALWAYS REPORT IT: 1. Call the Thames Valley Police non-emergency number 08458 505505.

2. Log the theft at baintonbikes.com/NoticeBoard.html. Bainton Bikes’ community noticeboard records all the details of stolen bikes including a photo. They pro-actively circulate these details among the cycling community in the hope of reuniting you with your ride.

Remember: prevention is miles better than a less-than-hopeful cure, so lock it – don’t lose it.