A BIG claim I know. But trust me guys, I’m about to break one of the unwritten female rules of life, and you, yes you, will benefit because of it. The other day I had the pleasure of discussing the impending birthday of my friend’s wife.

This couple have been married for about 20 years, have two lovely children, and are undoubtedly the best of friends. Which is why, FOR-THE-LIFE-OF-ME, I cannot comprehend how he still believes her when she says things like “don’t make a fuss”, “oh it doesn’t matter” and “don’t do anything special”.

For God’s sake guys, even if you don’t read any further, believe me as I type one fingered, hand on heart, SHE-DOES-NOT-MEAN-THAT!

What she actually means is “If you don’t go to any effort, I’ll still love you, but secretly I will be disappointed because one day... just one day, I hope you’ll surprise me”.

She’ll probably never tell you that though. Why? Because she loves you.

But don’t be fooled, yes she may be the love of your life, but she’s also a woman and ‘her kind’ can smell a bargain a mile away.

‘Her kind’ are able to convince you that she actually saved money by buying a dress on sale, despite the fact she didn’t need it. ‘Her kind’ live for presents and/or surprises.

How do I know this? Because I am ‘her kind’ and our people are different to your people. Want proof? I’ll bet that when you say you don’t want a fuss, you actually DON’T want a fuss, when you say you don’t do surprises, you really don’t.

And I’ll bet you really would prefer she didn’t waste money on expensive gifts (unless of course it’s a widescreen telly with supersonic speakers).

We, on the other hand, secretly love this stuff.

Want to put it to the test? Go to the shops together, then split up for an hour – chances are she’ll come back having found either a ‘bargain’ or ‘an offer it would have been criminal to refuse’.

Whereas the only thing you are likely to have picked up is a newspaper.

Several years ago I witnessed this experiment on a grand scale when two of my girlfriends and one of my male friends went to a shopping outlet north of New York.

We arrived at midday and left on the last bus at 10pm. Four hours in, the girls had managed to accumulate 12 shopping bags, the boy none.

By 10 hours in, the girls had purchased three new suitcases to hold the 29 bags of bargains.

Our token feller (Hi Nick if you’re reading this) managed to buy himself a T-shirt.

Trust me, the sooner you realise we womenfolk get a kick out of buying and receiving gifts and treats, the richer your relationship will be.

Shame the same can’t be said for your bank account...