Why do the police bother spending millions of pounds every year on hi-tech pursuit vehicles, helicopters with thermal imaging cameras and various other gadgets to catch criminals and perpetrators of car crime, when all they need to do is employ the scourge of the holiday season to work for them all year round?

You know who I mean, the kind of people who buy a top of the range Audi or BMW capable of cruising comfortably and safely at high speeds only to attach a large plastic playhouse on pram wheels to the back of it.

Then they team up with hundreds of other like-minded losers to create rolling road blocks on all our major routes during the holiday season.

We should have a law similar to the one that applies to lorries on the continent where they can only travel at certain times, they are not allowed to overtake and they are banned from the roads on Sundays.

To make it more interesting, let’s add that if they are caught flouting the law, their portable bedsit will be given to the army for artillery target practice.

Don’t bother buying one, you can make your own; all you need is some cardboard, fibreglass and glue.

Remember to make all internal fixtures and fittings to doll’s house dimensions so it resembles the lair of The Borrowers, the tiny folk in the children’s story who lived under the floorboards.

Then give it an ironically inappropriate name such as Crusader, Cutlass or Excalibur.

Once suitably equipped, you can go to rallies where up to 1,000 like-minded nerds camp out together.

Can you imagine anything more boring?

It must be as if an alien space ship has sent down a fun extractor and sucked all the humour from an entire field of people, leaving only white haired flat-capped drones and their wives to a weekend of lively debate about the various attributes of anti-roll stabilisers and portaloo chemicals.

Fun weekend away from home? I don’t think so?

If you want mobile accommodation then you follow the example of race teams and get yourself an American-style motorhome.

They come in all shapes, sizes and decor ranging from stylish and sumptuous to fully pimped out gin palaces with waterbeds and mirror ceilings but they drive at a reasonable speed and generally have accommodation for essential holiday toys such as dirt bikes, jet skis and surfboards.