back in the ’70s, I thought it was cool to wear my shades 24/7 while riding my motorbike. I must admit it wasn’t a very practical fashion statement, especially after dark.

Nowadays however, it seems that I might need to keep the Ray-Bans handy both day and night.

I’m not sure if it’s my age and eyesight or the fact that there is a conspiracy by other drivers to render me sightless.

I mean, you’ve got the idiots that insist on driving with their spotlights on regardless of the weather or visibility. Someone needs to tell them that fog lights are for fog and not the red mist that descends over my eyes when they try to blind me.

Then you have the morons that drive around with one headlight out but insist on keeping the remaining one on main beam.

I popped into Halfords recently to get a bulb for my old jalopy and was asked if I wanted to upgrade to xenon Gas. No thanks I thought, she runs okay on petrol. Well, it turns out that xenon gas is what powers the new breed of super strong headlights, 300 per cent brighter than a standard light in fact.

Do we really need headlights that are capable of burning out another motorist’s retinas at 100 yards?

The damn things are so bright that they look as if they are permanently on full beam. God forbid that you should flash your lights to alert someone though, because if you’re wrong and they flash you back, you’ll probably need factor 50 sunblock.

Once upon a time it was only top marques and the police that had them.

They were distinguishable by ultra white light with a blue glow around them, very handy for the more shady members of society when driving at night as they could easily tell when it was the Law behind them.

But if you think cars are bad then what about the lorries? On the A34 early one morning, I saw a strange glow in the distance. It was like a scene from a sci-fi movie.

It was, in fact, a lay-by full of trucks and it looked as if they had gathered for their own little festival of lights. Each had an abundance of illumination in varying colours including bright spotlights on the roof with blue LEDs in between.

In the middle stood King Bling with rows of multicoloured lights along the trailer. It looked like a cross between a Mumbai taxi and a fairground.

Luckily enough we are in a part of England that is farthest from the sea, otherwise a Navy pilot could easily have mistaken its roof for the landing deck of the HMS Ark Royal.

Come on guys, fairy lights are for Christmas trees, searchlights are for ships and shades are for sunny days.