Stubble... Not great if you want to grace Page 3, I grant you, but otherwise, an aesthetic statement of masculinity that almost all men aspire to (I know I do).

And you’d think it’d be easy – just putting your razor away for two or three days until, before you can say L’Oreal, you’re Colin Farrell.

But achieving facial stubble of designer status is actually one of the most testing things a man can do. Because, make no mistake, failure to do so can result, at its most extreme, in low self-esteem and a distrust of anyone with beards. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as beards, generally, are a no-no.

Men who sport them are clearly only at ease in the company of their mothers.

Yet something as simple as a 48-hour growth of fresh, virgin facial hair can make all the difference between women swooning at your ruggedness, or sniggering at your baby smooth jowls.

Sadly, in your younger years, when you most crave the steel wool feel of stubble on your cheeks, life plays its cruellest twist by adorning us with ‘bum fluff’ – the tell-tale sign of the post adolescent who’s ordered his first lager and then been asked to show ID. Crippling.

But then as you get older and the five’o’clock shadow becomes reality, you’re generally more comfortable in your own skin and thus less inclined to feel you have to prove your manliness.

Of course, there are always exceptions (cage fighters, footballers, car salesmen), but on the whole, the stubble effect loses its appeal after 25.

Unless – and forgive me here for feeling vulnerable – you never really had any bristles until after hitting your thirties. Consequently, while the rest of me is clearly 48, my face still thinks it’s a teenager. And as such, yes, I have toyed recently with the idea of developing a ‘shadow’.

Which is why in Boots in Cornmarket last Wednesday, I bought a Remington Diamond Beard Trimmer (£24.99).

I’d Googled ‘designer stubble trimmer’ and this model came highly recommended.

Obviously, it’s too early yet to say whether or not it’ll do the job, but one thing about its purchase puzzled me. Having paid for it, I was then presented with a ‘Free £5 ladies facial skincare voucher’, presumably to present to a girlfriend with this dedication: “I just bought this and thought of you...”

Needless to say, stubble is a sensitive issue for women and marrying the skincare voucher with your newly bought trimmer is likely to result in chemical castration, either by hot tea, coffee or bile.

But assuming you’re not that stupid, why would Boots assume that a man who’s just bought a beard trimmer would also appreciate a tub of say, Olay Regenerist 3 Point Treatment Cream?

No, I don’t know either, but if all goes well and the trimmer delivers, you can take it from me that I’ll be returning to the store to accuse it of gender discrimination (please note Boots, I’m rather partial to Chanel Pour Monsieur After Shave).

And it’s cheaper than a court case.