Welcome everyone to the Church of Bicycle Lovers... (and let’s face it, if this was the States, this wouldn’t sound so far-fetched would it?).

And I say ‘praise-be’ to the prophet Raleigh bikes. Hallelujah! And may all your roads be pot-hole free.

To start my sermon this momentous day, I say to y’all that I have been a sinner – yessir. I was a big sinner. But now I’ve seen the light. Yes it’s true.

You see, even I can fall foul of the right and just for – and I don’t know know how to say this, so give me strength – the other day I didn’t wear my bicycle helmet.

I feel so sad having to admit it to all of you, me being such a fervent follower of the Church of Bicycle Lovers. But, although I sinned, you could say I have since had a miracle thrust upon me. It happened here this week, and I tell you I am born again.

‘How did this miracle happen?’ I hear you cry.

Well let me tell you, brothers and sisters.

One of our flock, and a close personal friend of mine, did go-eth and ask Ebay for a new Brompton bicycle and for his efforts, was given-eth a spare helmet upon delivery.

Now, as you know, I have always preached to my own children: “thou must always wear your bike helmets or thou must go to thy bedrooms and no TV”.

My children (and you are ALL my children) know my sermons well.

So I say thank you to Saint Brompton for bringing me into the light. I now have a most sacred bicycle helmet to wear on the journey of life.

And if it should come to pass that I now crash into the pavement, then I shall be delivered unto you in one piece (hopefully), so that I may lecture you once more on why you must use bike lights and wear your yellow jackets at night.

And, brothers and sisters, to pay penance for being such a sinner, I promise that I will never ride again sans helmet.

Especially as this model allows great vision when I’m looking behind.

And now let us gather our thoughts and pray that: All future bike lanes will be free from parked vehicles.

Our brakes will always work when we need them The wind is always at our back.

The council will put priority bike stop lines at the front of every set of lights.

I can afford to buy a new bike when mine finally goes off to that great bicycle shed in the sky.

We always remember our bike lights.

And that other vehicles will treat us cyclists with respect.

Hallelujah!