So you want to get into movies? Well, so does everyone nowadays, so why not think laterally and do what I do… You see, I’ve recently made a tidy profit from appearing in movies that currently play to packed houses across Japan and America. And while it’s true that most of these mini-epics share the same title – Our Trip Abroad – I still get to perform in front of millions (once they’ve shown it to their neighbours, colleagues, etc).

So with Radcliffe Camera, Christ Church Meadow and Magdalen Bridge filling the viewfinder, I can usually be spotted either waving, staring off into space or simply walking past.

Yet despite the fact that these unbilled appearances – my only condition of employment – are what industry insiders choose to call ‘background’, I’ve never flaunted my fame.

This despite the fact that over the years I have appeared in at least 18,000 of these mini travelogues. All I ask is that the repeat fees are sent on to me, and as these films play to packed living rooms at least four times a year (Christmas, New Year, birthdays and at the neighbours), I essentially never need work again.

Of course, when you’re in the limelight, it’s not only your earnings which rise dramatically – but also your profile.

It’s now impossible for me to visit New York or Tokyo for instance without first getting mobbed by scores of adoring fans, and even one or two Germans into whose film markets I have now expanded.

Naturally, fame can be great but it can also restrict you in ways you might never have thought possible.

For instance, the Japanese are constantly surprised that I can talk. “No, no,” they plead, whenever I start to wax lyrical about Mount Fuji. “No talk. Just funny face.” And so amid peals of laughter and cries of delight, I simply stand there, somehow recreating whatever tour-de-face it was that I pulled in their original cinematic opus.

The Yanks are a lot easier to please. “Gee fella, just say ‘I say old boy, good shot’ or ‘Tea, anyone?’” and off they go, happy as Larry.

And it says something about the power of celebrity when, hell, only last year, whilst attending a retrospective of my work in Tokyo, people were constantly coming up to me and congratulating me on my wonderfully out-of-focus face.

Now it goes without saying that not everyone is suited to working in travelogues. But if the idea appeals, here are a few tips: l Always occupy the background. Never stray into the foreground, unless you deliberately want to ruin a shot being taken by a group of rather loud Australians l Never strive to land a speaking part. It’s true of course that from to time a foreign visitor may invite you to say a few words, but the golden rule is stick to what you know – smile, wave, blow them a kiss l And finally, home movie extras should always remember they are ambassadors for the city, which is why it’s so vital they present themselves without a bottle in their hand.

And that, I guess, is a wrap.