BOTLEY. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to write a song about this picturesque gateway to Oxford. Or Hinksey. Or Marston for that matter.

At least, not the kind of song you might want to listen to when feeling in need of something... well, swingin’.

I was chatting about this to a friend as he whistled the Sinatra standard, Chicago and even treated to his bastardised version, it evoked strong feelings (like listening to New York, New York, I Left My Heart in San Francisco or Do You Know The Way To San Jose?).

Now obviously there’s much of New York and San Francisco that is far from attractive or venerable (and as for San Jose, I can’t even find it on the map), but this doesn’t alter the emotions these songs trigger – feelings of familiarity, comfort and cheer (and if that last phrase sounds like a line from a well-known carol, I guess that’s appropriate; carols have the exact same effect – they make you feel ‘good’).

Anyway, the point is, American cities and states always seem to have names which readily lend themselves to big, Broadway-style production numbers. Whereas, who would really want to listen to, or write, a song about Kingston Bagpuize? (although, let’s not be hasty here...) You see, English place names always sound so dismal and depressing in contrast to their American counterparts. I mean, outside of Oxford, what images do the following names conjure up – Accrington, Scunthorpe, Barry Island, Croydon, Warrington and Luton?

Whereas consider these – Newport, Rhode Island; Tulsa; Kalamazoo; Connecticut and Providence. Don’t they sound like the kind of places you’d wanna walk down Main Street with your best girl on your arm?

Bizarrely, if ever I’m feeling depressed, I’ll whip out an atlas, turn to ‘USA – Eastern Seaboard’ and just explore the two-dimensional geography of the country. And you know what I find? These little jewels: Yonkers, Philadelphia, Poughkeepsie, Quincy, Nantucket, Shenandoah and Catskill.

And it gets even better, with Searsport, Syracuse, Albany, Steubenville, Baltimore, and my favourite, Cincinnati.

And we haven’t even touched the Great Lakes – Milwaukee, Rockford, Toledo, Cedar Rapids, Cadillac and, another of my all-time favourites, Indianapolis.

Which leaves The South, with these lyrical beauties – Biloxi, Baton Rouge, Galveston, Little Rock and Pensacola.

And last, but not least, the Great Plains whose names just speak of wildernesses, horses and prairie – Dakota, Wyoming, Nebraska, Montana and Fargo.

That, in short, is why America can lay claim to some of the most memorable songs of all time.

But try as I might, I can’t seem to find any songs about Oxford? Which seems crazy. One of the most famous and beautiful cities in the world, and there’s not even a ditty about it?

So come on, there must be someone out there who can dream up at least the first verse? In fact, if you hum it, I’ll sing it...