I'm sorry, but how can closing Magdalen Bridge on May Morning – to stop revellers from jumping into the River Cherwell – be viewed as any kind of attempt to cut off Oxford’s ethnic minorities, as Oxford’s Council of Faiths claimed in Tuesday’s Oxford Mail?

Because if true, it’s not only an extraordinarily serious accusation, but a tragic one too. After all, have we really reached that point where even a simple decision to shut a bridge can be construed as some kind of subversive ‘race/religious/cultural’ divide?

Penny Faust, who represents the city’s Jewish community, was quoted as saying: “Cutting off people from East Oxford from what is essentially a multi-ethnic, multi-faith, enjoyable celebration is incredibly devisive. My feeling is they would not cut off North Oxford but cutting off East Oxford seems to be allowed.”

Bede Gerrard, Oxford Council of Faiths chairman added: “It is as if the people who live in East Oxford don’t matter or are not interested.”

Ohhhhh come on. Truth is, it’s actually going to cause quite a lot of hassle for EVERYONE living on the East side, me included. But hey, it’s just one of those things.

Viewing this action however as somehow ‘deliberately’ discriminatory IS disturbing.

Yes, they’re closing the bridge, and yes, it’ll be an inconvenience, but that’s it. Period. There’s no great X-Files conspiracy at work here between the police, paramedics, and city and county council staff.

And if it is discriminatory, it’s anti ‘high spirits’, anti ‘moron’, anti ‘stupid students’.

I hate to imagine what ‘divides’ are caused by say, the St Giles Fair or, closer to home, the Cowley Road Carnival? (surely North Oxford residents feel snubbed because revellers don’t dance down Park Town?).

As for the suggestion that East Oxford is somehow alienated and cut off from the rest of the city, what garbage. I actually moved to the east side – through choice – because it IS more ‘alive’.

For a start: l We’ve got Tesco (when I lived in Jericho I had to make do with a 3inx 3in Co-op) l The Cowley Road, whose vibrancy, colour and sense of spirit makes Summertown look like a residential home l And then there’s that ‘buzz’ – so indefinable, so evident, and so reminiscent of Notting Hill or Brighton.

Hell, it’s a magnet for the right-on, the trendy, the young, impassioned and liberal go-getters (people smart enough to realise that North Oxford would quickly suck out their energy and optimism).

And it’s even got its own theatre: the Pegasus – one of the most exciting and innovative venues in the country.

So, when you think of all the real issues the city has to deal with, is it really worth turning this harmless (assuming, that is, you don’t jump) tradition into a potential flashpoint for confrontation?

I think not.

Instead, why don’t we just be grown-up about it?