Rebecca Moore is all for married couples sharing a last name, she's just not sure which one

It happened slowly, slyly and intentionally: one by one all of my best friends changed. The change was fundamental and yet, as with all the cleverest of schemes, it became so normal as to go completely unnoticed.

I am, of course, talking surnames – the changing of all my female friends’ surnames to become that of their husbands’.

It’s seen as completely normal, yet when you really stop to think about it, you can’t help asking why.

Why does nigh-on every woman change her name the moment she marries?

Now, let me state my ground: I will probably change my name when (if) I marry.

I have no huge feelings either way about it and the actress in me quite likes the idea of going by a different name.

I think it makes good sense for an entire family to have one name, especially where children are concerned.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean the one name must always be that of the man’s.

In the 21st century, the idea does – like it not – smack a little of ownership, not to mention that the wife’s identity automatically gets gobbled up by the husband’s, indicating that her lineage is unimportant.

The woman is the one who has to fill in paperwork to make sure the bank knows the difference. Not to mention Facebook.

Everyone should be allowed to choose to take a name or not. That’s certain. But what should we choose? That’s the bigger question.

Of course, if you’re a celebrity, you have no such concern – it’s perfectly OK for you both to drop your surnames in favour of a merged moniker: step forward Kimye and Brangelina.

When Amal Alamuddin married George Clooney she came under a little attack for choosing to become Amal Clooney, as though she were the leader of the resistance against this type of thing and must lead by example. As far as I could see she’d never put herself on a pedestal as radical feminist of the month so why she is suddenly the poster woman for female surname survival is beyond me. Becoming Mrs Clooney has been a dream of many a woman for many a year – you can’t take that away from the poor woman for the sake of gender equality progression. One surname shared between a married couple is a good thing. A great thing, in fact. It gives a sense of belonging and security to any future children. It bonds the couple together in a kind of named clan sense. But the woman no longer needs to unthinkingly take the man’s name.

It’s not wholly unusual not to – so why not have the couple decide between them which of their names to choose?

If one of you has no siblings – thereby meaning you are the only one carrying on your family name – then perhaps that’s the better surname to choose.

Perhaps you choose the best-sounding or least boring name.

One thing’s for sure – the best outcome is for a married couple to share a surname, for children to have a sense of belonging offered by that family name and to indicate to the outside world that herein lies a team. But the family name shouldn’t – by default – naturally be the man’s.

Ah, yet another decision for 21st century couples to argue over.

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