The other morning I was walking, quite innocently, into work. Suddenly a guy – who I can only describe as the lovechild of Gordan Gekko and Ice Man from the film Top Gun – walked by. As Ice Gecko passed me he obviously decided that 8am on a Monday was the perfect time to try aggressive flirting. Without any warning – from behind his reflective fluorescent yellow sunglasses – he yelled: “Hello and HELL YEAH!” Luckily, perhaps due to the early hour or perhaps because I don’t respond well to eyeless men, I didn’t turn round.
Plus, I’m not stupid. Experience has taught me that the mere act of turning around in these circumstances only – and always – invites conversation. And I don’t have a good track record with these types of conversations. I’m simply too polite.
In the past, instead of discreetly telling the individual concerned that I would rather not have a coffee or a baby with them I’ve usually inadvertently ended up on a date. I’m too polite to say no. It’s excruciating. But this older me is getting tougher. I managed not to turn around because that would have involved smiling.
Admittedly, smiling at 8am in the morning is already a stretch. But more than that, I simply wasn’t prepared to smile for the sake of some guy’s flamboyant attempt to grab my attention.
But I’ll admit – it did make me giggle.
Not because it was funny. It made me giggle because it was absolutely ridiculous. I didn’t think guys over the age of 18 ever really spoke like this – not seriously and not without an entourage of other chaps egging them on.
But this lady was not for turning.
He shouted something else and I kept walking – away.
Next thing I know and he’s beside me, stupid sunglasses still on his nose and showing me all his teeth in a terrible attempt at seduction.
I didn’t resort to the old, ‘I have a boyfriend’ line. Why should I? Instead, I pulled all 5ft 2 of me up on my heels and told him very nicely – but firmly – where to go. At the end of my speech, I had to refrain from signing off, Hell yeah.
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