We’ve known it for years – wearing black takes inches off our thighs. It doesn’t really matter how fat you think you look: slip into a little dark ensemble and as if by (black) magic, you’re suddenly Scarlett Johansson.

So imagine my delight when I read about the latest black colour coating which turns objects – or my waistline – into a vague blur.

A British company has produced an ‘alien’ material so black that it absorbs all but 0.035 per cent of visual light.

The coating is made of carbon nanotubes and the result is so dark that our mere mortal eyes simply can’t make sense of what they’re seeing.

The result is apparently akin to looking into an abyss, whatever that means. Some days, I’d very much like my body to appear as an abyss where people can fill in the blanks about what may or may not be going on under my apparel.

Yes, some days, I’d be quite happy for only my head to be visible above a confusing black hole of denial.

I may have to wait quite some time, however.

When asked about the prospect of a little black dress, a spokesperson for the company remarked that material coated in the black magic would be very expensive and they’re keeping very quiet about exactly how much the material coating has cost to develop.

But quite frankly, who cares how much it costs?

If it makes my love handles disappear, I’m all for it. Never mind the financial crisis. Women spend copious amounts of cash on liposuction and detox programmes when actually all they need is a stylish version of Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. Who knew?

However, when asked about using the coating for clothing the developers were negative.

“You would lose all features of the dress,” they said.

“It would just be something black passing through”.

Again, I’m ok with that. On days when all features of the dress include my overly bootilicious bum, I’d be happy to lose that.