I now know how to slay a dragon. Believe me, it takes an extraordinary level of skill, sheer dedication, a few super human powers and hour upon hour of practice.
Admittedly, it’s the kind of secret I would normally only imagine gleaning after unearthing an ancient parchment scroll, buried by some shrivelled warlord.
Or maybe via a furtive whisper – uttered by some devious troll resting under an oak tree.
But it was, in fact, discovered through an intense conversation held on the 2A bus from Kidlington to Oxford.
Always expect the unexpected.
I have to come clean, this incredible tale of glory and manhood was not actually intended for my ears. It was a discussion overheard between two pony-tailed dudes on their way into the city centre.
Now, just for the record, I don’t normally make a habit of eavesdropping on the bus.
Not, you understand because I’m virtuous but because I have learnt, from very bitter experience, that straining to hear every word of someone else’s conversation can lead to immense frustration. Including avidly following a woman’s conversation, two seats away, about her date with the man with fallen arches, who had a shoelace fetish.
But there was something about the intense conversation between these two guys sharing the back seat with me, discussing the necessary life skills required to survive a battle with a dragon that I found irresistible.
They literally had me hanging onto every single word. Don’t quote me exactly, but destroying dragons involves some very particular and unusual methods.
Such as entering chambers of snakes, whilst donning a blue spotted tie and spinning three full circles whilst reciting the alphabet backwards.
Not to mention collecting all the ingredients to create a meat pie in your knapsack, secreting three gold coins under your left armpit and finding your way into a darkened dungeon to touch a magical skull.
Just in case I have you confused I am, of course, revealing the deepest secrets of a virtual reality computer game.
I was blown away by my fellow passengers’ sheer and utter passion. I could imagine them choosing to spend every spare second existing in their fantasy world.
What I particularly loved though was that, after extolling the virtues of dragon slaying, they were extremely dismissive of the creators of a game that allowed you to walk straight through a tank.
“It’s utterly ridiculous” declared one. “They so need to get a grip on reality...”
Having enough problems surviving the real world, such as transporting a bottle of Prosecco intact through Cornmarket on a Saturday afternoon, I have never so much as hovered a fingertip over the play button of a single game.
But next time I pop a cork I will raise my glass to the efforts of those dedicated dragon slayers.
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