Exes can be be fun but watch out for snags

I think I’m perhaps guilty of occasionally remaining friends with exes where I shouldn’t.

There should be a seesaw of balance in any relationship, both sides of the relationship should feel fortunate to be spending their time with the other half. Commonly relationships fail because one partner feels more strongly than the other.

So, surely, being unable to have anything other than a controlling stake in a resultant friendship, the stronger member should maintain their distance. But it’s ever so tricky where the partnership has been a near miss.

I’ve had the oddest of weeks with exes with whom I’ve most enjoyed time over the years.

And also having most unusual encounters with a particular ex who I’ve always kept a candle burning for (who fortunately doesn’t read the Oxford Mail).

The lady in question has a mother who lives in the Caribbean, and a father who lives in Australia, and yet they both manage to stumble into my restaurant in Oxford, out of the blue.

A fabulous lunch followed, rekindling fond memories and enjoying stories of times past.

It’s always so much more of a loss, I feel, when in the breakage of a relationship, you lose some good friends in their families.

Then, to add insult to injury and make me feel that you really should listen to the guidance of serendipity and the universe, I was hosting a Sausage Tasting Dinner for 150 in Knightsbridge (as you find yourself doing towards the end of the week!) and the ex-girlfriend in question’s best friend walked through the door, on an errand to bring her godmother a coat.

Such an odd coincidence, that you feel something’s afoot. Either that, or you’re living in the screenplay to a particularly over-imaginative story.

But, I’m playing it slightly cool – she knows that these two encounters have taken place, and I happen to remember her being as oddly superstitious as I am, so we may well pick up a phone, just for old time’s sake.

But it’s not as if it’s a one-off, I’ve been feeling the Vultures of Love swooping around all week – lunches with exes, even an 80s roller disco as a guest of an ex who I last saw five years ago – who I’ve finally become persona grata to, after a long period of silence.

A tremendous party, but whenever you do continue on the basis of friendship, you not only have to deal with the communications between yourselves, you also need to deal with the events leading up to your breakup in discussions with the rest of family and friends.

They all seem eager to broach the subject, particularly after a drink or two has been imbibed.

I do my best to never pass judgment on anyone else’s relationships.

I feel we all present such a mask to the world, have so many aspects of our life and our emotions that nobody outside our closest circle are privy to, that there’s no way on earth that I’d ever feel qualified to make an assessment on what another person is doing.

Even when love is being particularly blind, the people in question will always be a better judge of the right decision or otherwise.

So, I suppose the conclusion has to be that it’s harmful to continue amicably where a relationship has failed, if only because you don’t want to spend the majority of your social time in explanation of why a certain path was taken, many years previous.

Whether a friendship has returned or not to the key protagonists, memories of breakups which have caused hurt to members of surrounding families won’t take long to resurface.

Whether or not you manage to create a modern dynamic to conduct yourself within relationships and after breakups, the same communication most probably won’t have developed between the other half and their closest circle of friends and families.

And they will always want to ensure the path of least pain for their loved ones.

Get your man to grow a mo

I know I mentioned Movember last week, but in the final week leading up the beginning of the month in question, I’m suggesting to women to get their partners to consider growing – for a number of reasons.

There’s the charitable side, the fact that we’re all becoming more aware of men’s health issues and that can only be a good thing.

The fact that together we’re partaking in a fun way to raise money for a very worthwhile cause and that it’s something slightly less boring than football is an added bonus.

There’s a special nod of recognition from one Mo’Bro to another – a feeling of manly capability that we don’t share with pre-pubescents or those who simply can’t grow. It’s a real ancient cabal that men have enjoyed, where those who can sprout have a better shout.

There are more psychological reasons – I feel that, with the exception of Hitler, many men are more chivalrous when sporting a lip-ornament, reminiscent of a bygone day when fair treatment of the female race was the most important skill a man could possess – that, and a quick, keen aim with a pistol. Britain could certainly do with a spot more chivalry; some more doors being held open, some seats being offered on public transport and capes laid into puddles to prevent you ladies from getting your shoes damp!

However, the most important reason, and the one with which I am appealing to you, is that if your man doesn’t commonly grow his Mo, you can enjoy the benefit from sleeping with someone entirely different for a month.

It’s said to be amazing what difference a mo can make to a lady’s evening!

I know that stubble causes you ladies a world of trouble – rashes, blotchiness and huge unpleasantness – but once the stubble has passed, the soft hair that grows behind is a fabulous world of warmth.

So, towards the end of this month, hide his razor away, ditch his half can of shaving foam and enjoy the prospect that you won’t be spending the whole month removing bits of hair and streaks of shaving foam from the basin.

Get him to log on to the Movember website and join our gang.