‘I couldn’t believe it! People actually crossed the road to avoid me as if I had some awful disease!’

This is what people frequently say to us at Oxford Cruse Bereavement Care when they come for one-to-one bereavement support. Often it is the behaviour of family, friends and professional helpers that causes them almost as much pain and suffering as the loss of a loved one.

Misunderstanding what someone is going through; saying things like, ‘I know how you feel’, or — just when the bereaved are feeling at their worst through lack of sleep, and are struggling to come to terms with the loss and all its practical effects — questioning: ‘Shouldn’t you be getting over it by now?’. Does any of this ring true with you? Do you feel that you don’t know what to say to someone who has just suffered a death? Do you worry about making it worse for them by saying the wrong thing?

Professional helper, family or friend, we sometimes don’t always have the right word, at the right time, to support the bereaved how we would like.

A series of lectures called ‘Aspects of Bereavement’ being held in April and May by Oxford Cruse, is designed to increase the sensitivity of those in any kind of relationship with the dying and bereaved. It sets out to deepen awareness of the complexity and extent of bereavement and to develop your personal understanding of death and other losses.

The speakers are all professionals who give the benefit of their experiences in the different circumstances of bereavement.

The first lecture covers a general understanding of grief and bereavement. This is followed by the impact of parental death on young people and the death of a child. The series continues with bereavement in later life, attitudes to death in the Muslim culture and ends with a discussion on bereavement by suicide.

The series takes place on Tuesday evenings from 7.30pm, commencing on April 17 for six weeks (except May 8) in the Wesley Memorial Hall in central Oxford, and costs £135. Visit www.oxfordcruse.co.uk for more details and how to register.

If you want some confidential advice or support through a bereavement, email helpline@cruse.org.uk or telephone the helpline on 0844 477 9400 to talk to a friendly ear.