Sir – Anxious to abolish the apostrophe, your frequent correspondent Nick Lawrence issues a challenge (Letters, September 15): to produce one plausible sentence in which “he’ll” could be confused with “hell”.
Hell cast a certain gloom over the proceedings. Yesterday we met beneath a picture of heaven. But hell sometimes like heaven forcefully bid for a place in the cardinals feelings.
Well water if the drought continues, because thats best with all the present discontent. Whether hell need to punish us further is as yet undecided. Shell upset many a woman who thought she was buying a more precious substance. Hell thrust the inevitable consequences down the throats of the guilty manufacturers families. But the consequences of a womans sin shall have no end. Hell slit the throats of all who dealt in ornament, and damnation is the hellish slaughter God let loose on the worlds wicked. Hell split the rocks in two, hell spring like desert summer upon the unwary. Hell spread torment amongst all the planets inhabitants, and hell rid the universe of sinners. Hell hit them and hurt them and put an end to their profanity. Hell lay a carpet at the devils feet. Well attend to such nonsense in the theology masters classes. Hell shed light on what they say, and hell shut them down only at the moment when hell set the great clock to the time to do so. Hell forecast this, God approving this revelation to mankind, and hell cost us all the end of our pleasures, hell cut us down utterly. The meeting is over, well dine, and lets disperse our sleep and our gloomy dreams and prophecies
Roger Moreton, Oxford
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