I’m sure that many of you have found yourselves shopping with the better half in recent weeks — and what a trial it is! I recently met mine while clutching a large bag and immediately the contents were examined. It contained a white Phalaenopsis (or moth orchid) which I had just bought in the few moments I was allowed off the leash. These rare moments are akin to commando attacks, executed with lightning speed honed over years.

Immediately, my horticultural skills were held up to the interrogator’s light. What do you want one of those for, you always kill them? This continued for some minutes, rather more loudly after I asked himself to carry the large purchase.

Now there is an element of truth in my hit and miss love affair with Christmas house plants. However, I am nothing compared to someone I used to share a house with. She fixed the leaves back on (when they dropped off) with dressmaker’s pins. I have never stooped quite so low. My phalaenopsis hasn’t died and it never will, not even in my hands. For it is an artificial one. Of course, I didn’t admit to that under interrogation. However, Christmas will bring an assortment of verdant gifts, and among them will undoubtedly be a poinsettia. These are the most popular Christmas plants of all with their bright-red starry bracts. Five million of them are grown every year in Britain and sixty million in America. They have been bred from a South American species, Euphorbia pulcherrima, a native of the Sierra Madre region of Mexico. In the wild, poinsettias are found growing on the forest edge and as a result they like to be kept warm, in bright light and out of draughts.

Commercial growers raise them from cuttings and most of the different colours we have were bred in California. They keep them bushy by applying dwarfing hormones. So even if you do manage to convince your poinsettia to flower in 12 months time, your plant will be leggier and less effective.

If you do want to have a go, cut the poinsettia back by half to two-thirds in spring, removing any weak shoots as you go. Cut above a leaf node and then soak the plant in water. New shoots will develop but in order for them to be strong the plant must have good light, but not direct sunlight. Water regularly, allowing the compost to dry out a little each time.

Feed every fortnight from late-spring until summer using a houseplant food. Mist your plant regularly to emulate the humidity found in the Mexican forest. Now here comes the really tricky bit. Once October and November arrive your poinsettia will need 14 hours of complete darkness every night for this is a plant prompted into flower by short days.

In the 1820s, Joel Robert Poinsett, the US ambassador to Mexico, discovered some by the roadside and took cuttings back and grew them in his greenhouse. The plants were named after him, but like all euphorbias, poinsettias ooze a milky white sap that can irritate the skin. If the leaves fall off, it’s probably better not to pin them back on! A Merry Christmas.