STATISTICS are difficult to handle and easier to corrupt than a politician. That may be useful for dodgy businessmen, but it does make life in the car world rather difficult.

For instance, a Ferrari F430 Spider can easily reach 150mph. But that’s just one typo away from being for the world’s most fuel-efficient (mpg) car; not what you’d expect from a fully functioning supercar.

But there is one statistic I can’t ignore. The fact is that 89 per cent of the British population now lives in cities.

And yet despite this, city cars are a complete joke. When companies advertise a car as being urban-suited, all they’re doing is telling millions that it’s cramped, slow and made of tin foil wrapped around a sheet of Perspex.

Think about it. The Smart car is as odious as the tree huggers who drive it and the Citroen C1 more resembles a tomato.

These cars aren’t urban at all: they’re terrible.

You may be able to fit the C1 into a parking space outside a nightclub, but don’t because all the supermodels will laugh at you from their BMWs and Lexuses.

What the world needs then, is a cool city cruiser, a car that you can park outside – anywhere – fit down tight alleys and can seat you all inside.

Well, this time it’s Hollywood that has the answer. That’s right, the people who set films in deserts and jungles and outer space have found the vehicle for the roads of Oxford.

It’s the 1987 Ford Crown Victoria from Men in Black. And it’s perfect.

If it’s good enough for Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith, below, it’s good enough for me.

Painted black, this car rivals Bentleys and Mercedes in its understated class. What’s more, you could pretend to be an FBI agent and get your drinks free.

And it’s now dirt cheap. You can pick one up second-hand for about £1,000.

Of course, it’s cheap for a reason: and not just because the previous owner left empty peanut wrappers all over the floor. The car is not well equipped. You could go to Windsor Castle and be more impressed by the technology.

But, despite its Amish-like approach to gadgets, the main attraction is on the centre console; and it’s hardly hidden either. It may not have earlobe heaters or air conditioning for your glovebox, but it has something no other car does. A big red button that allows it to drive on tunnel roofs (as it did in Men In Black).

Just think how much it would brighten up your day to see the upside-down faces of the saps stuck in a jam as you race by, above them all.