Sir – Further to the letter from Paul Hughes (Chaotic city centre, August 12), I offer the following instructions to all visitors to England and particularly Oxford:

When walking on public pathways make sure you walk at least two or three abreast. Do not at any time attempt to walk in single-file

If you have small children with you, do not attempt to correct or control them

When crossing roads, do not bother to check whether there is any traffic approaching

When waiting for a bus, make sure you stand in front of the first person in the queue

If your behaviour is challenged, you have four options:

1: Laugh

2: Ignore the person concerned

3: Turn and look at them as if they are something you just trod in

4: Look puzzled.

At all times, talk among yourselves as loudly as possible.

In the interests of promoting inter-cuultural harmony, if you follow these simple rules be assured that we will do so too, every time we visit your country.

Edward Ashanti. Oxford