"My Son, my Son my only Son "I go to bed at night I sleep a little, get up.

Throughout the day there is no excitement, no fun no future.

"I met my wife at the age of 14 at school in 1968. We married in 1976 and our first child Anna was born in 1981. Howard our son was born 3rd May 1984.

"To have a lovely wife, daughter and son I had all a man could wish for. I felt lucky and very happy.

"We have always been a very close family unit never having left our children with baby sitters other than the rare occasion with their Grandparents.

"I hate to see my family destroyed in this way. My daughter had just started a new job and was confident and go ahead. She had a great future.

"Now she has a problem coping with her position as a primary school teacher with responsibility for mathematics within the school.

"My wife has had to reduce her teaching hours, as she can no longer cope with the job she enjoyed.

"I have always been at home weekends and evenings when the family are around. I miss the young male talk and companionship.

"I miss cutting Howard's hair, which I had done fortnightly for the past 10 years.

"How the role had changed from me teaching Howard to him teaching me.

"He became stronger than me. He could pick me up and carry me. He became more intelligent than me gaining a degree in engineering a subject close to my heart all my life. I miss all the technical talk.

"I taught Howard to drive a car; he had no formal lessons, yet passed his test only three months after his 17th birthday.

"I miss the silly mock fighting, teasing and playing.

"As a family we loved surfing and in later years as a trained lifeguard he would look out for us in the large waves and constantly check that we were OK.

"He would willingly take and pick us up from the airport or evenings out, as we did for him.

We loved motorcycling but we both knew the dangers.

"I persuaded Howard to sell his motorbike one week before he was killed in his car.

"Some of our good friends and neighbours find it difficult to talk to us and often avoid us in the street.

"To say that my life has been totally destroyed seems dramatic, but each day I look for something positive, as yet I have not found it. Each day I cry and every minute of every day Howard is on my mind."

Graham Hillsdon March 2006