WHEN Alison's parents divorced she was just nine and excited by the novelty value of having two houses and lots of treats.

But when the novelty wore off, the youngster, from Headington, Oxford, now aged 13, soon found life was not as pleasant as she had thought.

She said: "After my dad, who had moved out, used to come round, my sister, my mum and I used to burst into tears. None of my close friends had separated or divorced parents, so I couldn't really talk to them about it.

"My dad went to live in a really small place. When I went there me and my sister used to have to share the same bed and it didn't feel like home at all. We were both really insecure, we still are, we didn't want anything to change."

Alison, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, said she felt she had to be careful what she said to her parents. Her dad did not want to talk about the divorce and her mother talked too much. "Sometimes she'd say too much about it and it upset me," Alison said.

"You need to think about it by yourself sometimes."

She said at the time of the divorce, a close friend had a relative who was dying so she put her own feelings on 'hold' to help her friend. She also used school as an escape route to stop herself thinking about the divorce. Now Alison still feels low. She felt bad when her mum started going out with someone and her dad split up with a girlfriend she had got to know and like.

But she had a positive message for other children whose parents have divorced.

She said even though she only sees her father once or twice a week she actually spends much more time with him than before - and her parents are much happier.

"It will get better," she said "You have bad day and good days. Divorce is made out to be a novelty or hell, but it's not like that."

Karen Taylor, of Oxfordshire Family Mediation, said they offered a neutral service where children could be honest and not feel disloyal.

She said: "Many children are puzzled because this is something they didn't expect to happen in their family. They feel let down, which means they take some time to build up trust both in their own parents, to believe what they say again and in the outside adult world.

"Their world has been totally turned upside down."

She said children are more clued up than parents think and they appreciate honesty.

"Children obviously put two and two together rather sooner than their parents realise," she said. Help is at hand OXFORDSHIRE Family Mediation is offering a new service for children whose parents are separating or already living apart.

From April, children and young people from six to 18 can make appointments to talk to a neutral outsider who will listen to their concerns.

Fees are charged according to income. The service is a non-profit making

charity and fees are subsidised by grants and donations so everyone can benefit from it.

To make an appointment, or for more information, contact 01865 74178. Divorce: The facts

Twenty-five per cent of children in Britain experience divorce before the age of 16

At the point of separation, 90 per cent of fathers leave and are no longer present in the home

Forty per cent of fathers lose contact with their children within two years of separation

In Oxfordshire about 2,000 couples divorced last year, affecting around 4,800 children

Oxfordshire Family Mediation deals with about ten per cent of the county's divorcing population in any one year

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