ANNE Brunner-Ellis couldn't find the words to describe the pain of not being able to have a second child.
Her daughter, Jessica, was born in 1990 but Anne, 42, was desperate to have a child with her second husband, 35-year-old Robin.
Despite numerous attempts at IVF, Anne was unable to become pregnant.
Today, the couple are the proud parents of four-month-old Thomas.
He is a very special and much-wanted baby - more so than most, because Thomas was born to a surrogate mum.
He was conceived using his father's sperm, which was artificially inseminated into the surrogate.
Anne and Robin were present at his birth and he was immediately handed over. The difference between this and other, much-publicised surrogacy stories, is that both couples - Anne and Robin and the surrogate mum and her husband - all get along very well and continue to stay in touch.
In a moving five-page article in next month's issue of Red magazine, Anne and Robin, who live in Oxfordshire, and surrogate mum Tracy Brannigan, 32, and her husband Joe, 32, who live in Northamptonshire, tell in diary form how the surrogacy took place.
February to May 1996: Anne and Robin first decide on surrogacy and contact Cots - Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy - which is run by Britain's first surrogate mum, Kim Cotton.
Says Anne: "People don't understand how painful secondary infertility can be. They don't realise that because you know exactly what you are missing, the pain can be even more acute."
Tracy first speaks to her husband Joe about surrogacy. Tracy and Joe have four children between them - two from Tracy's first marriage, one from Joe's first marriage and a child together. They do not want any more. Tracy initially offered to have a child for her sister, who was having difficulty conceiving. When her sister later fell pregnant, Tracy decided she would still like to help other women desperate to have children.
October to December 1996: After four months, Anne and Robin hear from a surrogate mum through Cots. They meet, but decide it doesn't feel quite right.
They make the agonising decision to say no.
Says Anne: "I started to think we would never find anyone."
Then she is contacted by Tracy.
March 1997: The two couples meet. They all like each other. They don't rush in, but meet up again and eventually decide to go ahead.
April to May 1997: Three attempts at artificial insemination fail.
June 1997: The fourth test is positive. Tracy is pregnant with Robin and Anne's child. Tracy has a dream that she'll have the baby on February 17 - it's then confirmed as her due date.
June 1997 to January 1998: The couples speak almost every day on the phone. Everyone in Tracy's family knows about the surrogacy and is fine about it. Anne and Robin's families are the same.
Says Tracy: "Everyone has said I must have thought about keeping the baby, but I haven't. It hasn't been my baby from the beginning."
January 30,1998: At 2.30am, Tracy's waters break. Joe takes her to the hospital and they page Anne and Robin, who rush over.
Tracy says: "When the baby was born, the midwife went to give him to me but I said no and asked her to give the baby to Anne."
Anne adds: "As soon as I held him it all felt wonderful. It was as if six years had melted away."
Five months on, Anne has had a chance to reflect a little on the events of the past couple of years.
She said: "I suppose we were lucky it all worked out so well. The law is so unclear on this that anything could have happened if we hadn't been so lucky with Tracy and Joe.
"We will tell Thomas when the time's right. I imagine it'll be something that evolves when he looks at photos or whatever.
"We'll tell him that he was not an accidental child. He was conceived purely because we wanted him. Few babies have been so carefully planned."
Adapted by Fiona Tarrant from the July issue of Red magazine, on sale today. Surrogacy - the facts
Britain has only one surrogate agency - Cots.
Before Thomas legally becomes Anne and Robin's child, they have to be granted a parental order, which has the same affect as an adoption.
Surrogacy is not illegal but payment is.
Reasonable expenses are allowed. The average is between £8,000 and £15,000.
There are two types of surrogacy. Straight surrogacy is where the surrogate is artificially inseminated with the father's sperm. Host IVF surrogacy is where an egg from a woman's functioning ovaries are fertilised by her partner's sperm and implanted in the surrogate's womb. Where to find help For information or advice, contact:
Cots - 01549 402401
British Infertility Counselling Association, 69 Division Street, Sheffield S1 4GE
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority publishes a pamphlet on surrogacy. Write to: HFEA, Paxton House, 30 Artillery Lane, London, E1 7LS
Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.
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