This week, Jill Saward, the woman who was raped in her father's vicarage in Ealing 12 years ago, met the man who led her attackers and forgave him.

And, in the same week, proposed changes to the way rape cases are heard have been criticised by a senior judge.

Lord Chief Justice Lord Bingham, 64, has said that removing the defendant's right to cross-examine a victim could lead to juries acquitting men whom they felt had been denied a fair trial.

Women's Editor FIONA TARRANT met one Oxford woman, who would neither forgive the man she says raped her, or agree with any move to hold up changes in the law relating to rape trials. The middle-aged woman who greeted me with a smile and sat down, over coffee, to tell me her story, would not agree with Lord Bingham at all.

"I think the whole system is grossly unfair. The sooner the law changes to protect rape victims, the better," she said.

The woman lives in an immaculate, beautifully-decorated house in Oxford.

One of her children wandered past and said hello. Her husband did the same.

They looked like a nice, ordinary family - and they are. Apart from one thing - this woman has survived what she described as a brutal rape attack.

"I can only describe it as a living hell," she told me as we talked in the garden, well away from the children.

The youngest knew mum had been hurt but nothing more. "How do you tell a child something like that?" she asked.

The most awful thing about the case - we'll call her Sue to protect her real identity - is that the man arrested for the offence was cleared in court. "They said it was 'unmistakable belief'. It meant the jury believed he thought I consented.

"It didn't mean I did consent. It meant they believed he thought I did," said Sue, who is in her 40s.

"I just wish people knew what he did to me," said Sue. The tears ran down her cheeks as she told her story.

"It's all so unfair. I believed in the system. I went to court and went through hell telling them what happened. I was cross-examined by his barrister for five hours. He asked me humiliating questions about my sex life - things which had no bearing on the case.

"It's all wrong. I gave a 26-page statement to the police yet only a fraction of it came out in court.

"The jury asked to see my statement but they weren't allowed. They could only ask questions.

"The prosecution barrister stepped in on the case at the last minute and yet the defendant and his legal team had a year to perfect their story," she said. Sue is still angry that the man was acquitted.

"I felt like standing up in court and blurting it all out - letting the jury know just what that man did to me. I was told to only answer the questions put to me.

"The police were very good. They were as gutted as I was when he walked free.

"They thought it was a water-tight case. It was such an ordeal for me to re-live it all in court.

"I kept wanting to say things but I was so choked up, I couldn't.

"The injuries I had were horrific. I was terrified he was going to kill me."

Sue's life was shattered during the ordeal. It took a year for the case to go to court.

"It was too long," she said.

Although Sue's husband and all her family have been very supportive, she will never forget the man's eyes.

"I can't get them out of my mind. I suffer from panic attacks. "I have to sleep with the light on and sometimes I have to ask my husband to just hold me tight.

"I never go anywhere without my mobile phone and I jump if anyone walks anywhere near me.

"It's been hell. I can't believe that a jury would think that any woman would consent to what I went through."

Sue's reasons for wanting to talk about her ordeal are clear. She firmly believes the system should be changed to protect victims of rape.

"My entire sexual past was brought up in court, yet nothing was said about his. I felt like the victim who was victimised.

"I also think the jury shouldn't be drawn from the general public.

"How can you expect an ordinary person to make judgements on something like this?

"And the police should prosecute, or should do it jointly with the CPS. "Handing over a case you've worked hard on, then having to watch it fail, must be devastating for them."

Sue, who was greatly helped through her ordeal by Victim Support, is now thinking about becoming a counsellor to help other victims.

"But I'm not really a victim. I'm a survivor. I didn't ask for this to happen to me. I just feel that I'm not ready to shut the book on this.

"I have to do something positive, to move on and help rape survivors of the future.

"I'm just worried that this may happen to someone else. somewhere else.

"Next time, the victim may not be a survivor.

"That's why the law needs to be changed."

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.