Tonight on Central TV, model and TV presenter Linda Lusardi - mother of a 15-month-old girl - takes over the Life Line slot at 6.55pm to look at the stresses and strains the arrival of a new baby can put on a relationship.

The Oxford Mail has teamed up with Central to bring you features every day this week on relationships. Today's topic is on babies and your relationship. KATHERINE MacALISTER reports...

How many times have I heard a glowing, pregnant mum saying: "It's not going to change our life." Excuse mey French, but that's rubbish.

I remember saying it myself and thinking "how hard can it be?".

Do I sound bitter? I'm not. I wouldn't change things for the world. But as the old saying goes, something's got to give and it's often your relationship. How you cope with the change is the key to success, but accepting the inevitable is vital. Your partner will never be more attentive and caring than while you're pregnant and immediately after the birth.

So, however traumatic, you revel in the attention and wonder.

But sorry ladies, it doesn't last. For the first few days, and even weeks, if you're lucky, life is a big, loving bubble. "The baby is so good," you tell everyone. Of course it is, it's just completed the biggest journey of its life and needs to recover.

Then the colic and crying start and the reality sets in. Your other half starts creeping out of bed in the middle of the night, not to help, but to sneak off to the spare room for a much-needed kip. "I've got a hard day at work, Dear," he says as you gaze blearily, eyes prised open with matchsticks, ear plugs in, as your little angel bellows until he's blue in the face. Welcome to the real world of motherhood. Of course your relationship changes. Before, all you had to worry about was each other. You occupy yourself by going out in the evenings, seeing friends, getting drunk, nursing each others hangovers, lying in until midday at weekends, having sex. I remember it well. Some men like the change, it takes the spotlight off them. But forget romance - it's hard to feel sexy when you're covered in baby sick and haven't slept for several days.

Your social life begins to resemble the Sahara Desert. Your other half rediscovers 'the lads' and evenings out with them become compulsory. Just when you thought you might be able to catch up on some sleep.

Your friends stop phoning because they feel guilty telling you about the fab party they went to, or their latest size eight dress, while you wash the angel's clothes, sterilise his bottles, puree some carrots, wipe up the sick and empty the nappy bin frantically before he wakes up again. Meanwhile, your other half casually calls out in the direction of the kitchen, "what's for supper?". You peer into the living room where he's sitting, feet up, beer in hand, happily watching the telly. 'Supper', you scream to yourself in disbelief, with a growing sense of panic. You haven't managed to go shopping for two weeks so there's no food and your supply of microwave curry ran out weeks ago. The dishwasher's full of dirty plates and the kitchen hasn't been cleaned for a week.

"And don't you think you should clear up a bit?" he adds innocently, not realising it's like offering a light to Guy Fawkes.

When the dust settles and the man on the motorbike delivers his third pizza to you that week, you feed the baby and manage to drag yourself up to bed for another, sleepless night.

Of course it will change your life! Even so, I know it's a passing phase and I wouldn't have it any other way. And I still fancy dad like mad.

We're still in the baby stage, but I've already ordered the rugby ball, so father and son can do some male bonding and mum can get some well earned peace and quiet. I probably won't know what to do with myself.

Yes I'm tired, but hopeful. And I'm told if you can get through this, you can get through anything.

IT'S ALL CHANGE FOR BABY

New mum Jane Bowen is still madly in love with her handsome husband Dylan. But now little Arthur is also the apple of her eye.

The 32-year-old, from Summertown, admitted married life would never be the same again, but is happy with the adjustment.

"We don't go out any more, we have very little time on our own together and our sex life will never be the same," she laughed. "Going to the pub and cinema is a distant memory."

Four-month-old Arthur is oblivious to this. But he gets the undivided attention of both his parents and Jane can't praise Dylan enough.

"He's better at it than me," she said.

"I never expected it to be like this, but it was the right time to have a baby and Dylan really does his bit." she said.

"To start with I almost felt left out but I told him how I felt and we sorted it out. "It's important to include the father as much as possible because it's easy to leave them out and make them feel inadequate, especially when they are used to having your undivided attention. My feelings for Dylan have not changed but I cannot give him my undivided attention any more. If anything I like him even more now, just in a different way." she said.

"And when Arthur goes to bed we make time for each other," she said.

As for their social life, the Bowens still try to do as much as they did before, and just take Arthur along too.

"Going out to parties is more fun now. Before it was a bit 'same old, same old' but it's something to look forward too and I get a chance to show off Arthur," she said.

As for coping herself, Jane had one piece advice for expecting mothers: "Don't expect to be organised. For three months allow total chaos. Your baby will not fit into your schedule until then."

RELATIONSHIP WEEK HOTLINE: 0800 328 5678

OTHER USEFUL NUMBERS: Citizen's Advice Bureau, Central Office: 0171 833 2181

Relate, Head Office: 01788 573241

National Family Mediation: 0171 383 5993

The Law Society (if you would like to contact a solicitor): 0171 242 1222

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.