It's hardly surprising Hugh Grant looked so impoverished in Four Weddings and a Funeral, writes KATHERINE MacALISTER. According to the latest research, the average wedding guest spends £252 a time.

The research shows male guests spend more than women, averaging £262 compared to £236. Stag nights are more expensive than hen nights because sporting activities or weekends away are often part of the fun. The average stag do costs £42, while the girls spend about £26 entertaining the bride-to-be.

The average wedding present costs £48. On top of this, cater for a new outfit - £89 on average - on top of the one in ten women who spend at least £40 on a hat, then throw in travel costs and accommodation.

The Scots are the biggest spenders, at £315, with people in Yorkshire being the most frugal. It's all enough to make you groan when the invitation drops on the mat. Grant Millar, marketing director of Goldfish, which carried out the research, suggested: "One way of saving a fortune might be to persuade your friends to marry each other, effectively halving the expense."

That's one solution. Or you could take out a second mortgage, make polite excuses or find a cheaper way. Here we offer some helpful hints on how to keep the costs down.

Here are some useful tips on how to cut costs as a wedding guest.

HOTELS

IF you have to stay overnight and you haven't got any friends nearby, stay in a budget hotel, which costs from £30 for a family room. Here you can change in peace and it won't break the bank.

Prices are per room, not per person, and you should be able to sleep two adults and two children comfortably.

Phone 0181 569 6969 for Campanile budget hotels or Travel Inns on 01582 414341. OUTFITS

Sharing wedding outfits with friends is an ideal way to save money.

Charity shops are always full of morning coats and men's outfits.

Women can also hire hats for £15 a go at Crowning Glory in Witney. Call 01993 700233.

Buying a smart skirt or trousers and using them for every wedding with a different top and accessories is just as effective.

Jazzing up a smart work suit with the right hat and shoes is also a good alternative.

HEN NIGHTS

Hen nights can be done on the cheap. There are several venues in London where you can eat and dance after dinner, thus avoiding the extra nightclub entrance fee. Try Havana's in Fulham or Break For The Border on 0171 4943060.

More locally, Maxwells in Oxford does a special discount meal at £11 for two courses and service.

And the Park End Club lets the "hen" in free and guests for £1-3 before 10.30 pm and £3-5 after, depending on the night. You need at least 10 people in the party who are then put on a guest list. Phone 01865 250181. PRESENTS

Most brides and grooms prepare a wedding list. It is up to them to make sure there is something to suit every pocket.

But if you look at it and gape, buy your own present. Something well thought out and personal will be just as appreciated and a complete surprise.

Here are some cheap pressie ideas that are every bit as good as their more expensive equivalents.

*Craft fairs can be a gold mine for presents. Alternatively commission some local pottery from as little as £10. Call 01865 552439.

*BWise has just launched a new collection, reminiscent of Habitat but at a fraction of the price. Frosted candlesticks cost £3 for a pair, photo frames £2.99, retro vases £4.99 and magazine racks £4.99. There are stores in Abingdon, Cowley and Banbury.

*A set of Royal Worcester egg coddlers is an original present at Boswells in Oxford for £10. VETERAN LAURA OFFERS HER TIPS

Laura Vinall is a veteran wedding guest, having been to about ten weddings in the past three years. She hates to think how much she has spent in that time.

The 25-year-old purchasing buyer, of Abingdon Road, Oxford, has learned the hard way how to budget for the big day and as a result is determined her own wedding will not leave her guests out of pocket.

Her biggest expenses as a guest have been hen weekends and accommodation.

"I went to one hen do in Brighton. We stayed in a B and B but the food, booze and partying really added up," she remembered. Another hen do at a restaurant cost £60 a head.

Luckily, out of the five weddings she went to last year, only two had the same people, so she could wear the same thing.

Her last wedding outfit was £150, but she soon cottoned on to mix and matching: "I wear suit jackets and skirts with jazzy scarves and different tops. Some people bring two outfits - one for the day and one for the evening. I wear a dress that will suit both occasions with a smart jacket I can remove." As for presents, one wedding list Laura was sent was so expensive that the cheapest item was £40. "If it's too expensive or I don't like the gift, I find something more suitable. Habitat is great," she advised.

When Laura herself gets married, she wants to put as much money as possible into the reception and skimp on everything else. She doubts whether she will have a wedding list.

"I want all my friends there and if they make the effort to come, I'll put on a do to remember, even if it means cutting out the church.

"Lots of people have lived together before they get married and already have everything, so a list is almost pointless. If they choose something themselves it's much more personal.

"A friend summed it up once when she said, 'I want your presence not your presents".

But overall Laura is not bitter. "I do not begrudge anything I spend going to a wedding. I know that in comparison with the hosts it's a fraction of the cost. And besides, they are great fun."

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.