Former childminder Kay Evans would never beat her three children but she admits she will smack them if they misbehave.

Kay, 30, of Coriander Way, Greater Leys, doesn't think it is wrong to smack a child to discipline them.

She said: "I don't agree that you should beat your child because that doesn't solve anything and you can't have a relationship based on fear.

"On rare occasions, yes, I would hit them. They are usually deprived of something first of all but if it was an ongoing situation and they started stamping their feet, then they would get a smacked bottom."

Kay, who now works as a nightstock controller at a supermarket, wouldn't never use a cane on her children but thinks they learn they have done wrong if they are smacked.

She said: "I don't agree with caning and couldn't see myself doing it. I smacked my eldest boy Darran who is 12 and my hand was stinging.

"He really cried and it hurt me more than him to see him so upset. I can't agree with someone smacking a child just for the sake of it.

"If parents don't smack their kids, it's their choice. My kids are brilliant and can be little angels."

Mum-of-four Donna Gardner sees no harm in smacking her kids when they misbehave and wouldn't agree with any law imposing such a ban. Donna, 32, and husband Vincent, who live with her family in Wood Farm, Oxford, believes her kids will learn more from a light slap than any other punishment and has even used a leather strap before when they have been really naughty.

She unashamedly admit that they will hit their children - Adam, 12, Gemma, nine, Anthony, seven, and Natalie, four, if nothing else works.

And Donna thinks the law would have been wrong to ban parents from smacking their children if they were naughty.

She said: "People turn round and say children run riot and that parents don't know where they are, but I do know where my kids are.

"And on the rare occasion I don't know where the oldest one is, I find him and ground him." said Donna.

She has used a leather strap twice on Adam in five years but only hard enough to make him realise he is doing wrong. "I would never hit any of my kids hard enough to leave a mark. To be honest I don't really smack Adam any more because it doesn't do any good.

"There have been occasions in the past few weeks where he has pushed his luck and I will raise my hand to him because then he knows he has pushed me that far.

"He bellowed at me recently which was wrong. All right, children didn't ask to be born but they do have to respect you just as you should respect them."

If her younger children misbehave, they will get a smacked bottom and Donna sees no harm in that.

"If my kids won't go to bed when I tell them to, they get warnings and then I threaten to smack their bottom.

She added: "I think if parents don't smack their children, they could have problems later on, but of course each child is different."

Her husband Vincent, also 32, agrees that children should be disciplined. "If the smacking was excessive then I think it is bad and something should be done to the parents but you should expect a slap on the legs if they are naughty."

Rosie Hill, independent parenting tutor, in Oxfordshire, said: "I think parents need a lot of support. When they smack children, they often feel bad about it afterwards.

"Parenting groups give people so many tips on how to discipline children like setting boundaries and showing respect.

"Fundamentally you are controlling someone else through fear, which is not a good message to give a human being if you smack."

Rosie believes the best way of dealing with children without smacking them is to give them choices and let them experience the consequences.

"It's learning to negotiate and you are teaching those children negotiation skills - but parents still have the upper hand. "It's all about giving children space and if they choose to make a bad decision, there could be a consequence which parents must explain like 'time out' which is place to go which is boring and the children learn to sit down quietly and cool down - the parents and the child must decide on this place together in advance."

Rosie recommended three parenting skills that don't involve smacking a child.

*Listen without judging

*Encourage kids and give them lots of praise

*Think about the situation in advance. Learn to recognise problem areas and take time to think how you will deal with them in advance.

She added: "As a parenting tutor and having an understanding of child development, I don't think smacking is helpful and to use force is giving a bad message.

"I'm really against blaming parents for smacking because they are all doing the best they can." *For more information about Rosie Hill's parenting classes, call 01865 511362. Call the Parent Line for confidential support on 01865 726600. Family Nurturing Network, 01865 722442. The Children's Information Service on 01865 882288. Family Links on 01844 338409.

*Can you control children without smacking? E-mail your solutions to the Oxford Mail

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