Pulling Power

She's agreed to an assignation, a meeting, a date. Whether this turns out to be a one-off occasion or the start of a beautiful friendship, is partly down to her, but mainly up to you.

You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression, as Rory Bremner may have said. With this in mind and with Valentine's Day creeping over the horizon, we have conducted an in-depth sociological survey (oh, all right, quizzed a few women in the office) on the Do's and Don'ts of Dating.

What, we asked, were the worst things a bloke could do or say on a first date? What would put you off him so much that you'd rather dance around your handbag wearing a boob tube and a Ra-Ra skirt than be seen out with him again?

Remember, chaps - even if you have the body of a Greek god, the ladies will be less than impressed if you also have the mental prowess of a gerbil which leads you to say all the wrong things at the wrong time.

Better, almost, that you look like Norm The Specky Geek From The Twix advert - provided you don't behave like him, of course. Or dress like him, come to that - of which more later.

So give us a clue, girls. Where do we lads go wrong? "Well," said one senior Oxford Mail editorial executive, "I'd be less than impressed if he suddenly announced that Viagra had changed his life. Or if he got drunk and threw up all over my dress. Or told me that his mum made his bed and did all his washing and cooking."

Observe, men. The message here is clear - no woman likes a randy, drunken mummy's boy. Look and learn.

Another Mail journalist favoured a strict first-date dress code. "No lime-green shirts with orange ties," she said firmly. "And very definitely NO, repeat NO, fluffy white socks." Pay attention to this sort of thing, lads. You are what you wear, so you don't want her to think you are the sort of chap who gets dressed in the dark or has his clothes slung on with a pitchfork.

Nothing naff, then. Forget the white socks and ditch the shell suit. And don't, ever, think it is smart or trendy to wear a blazer with jeans. It just doesn't work. You'll just look like one of Status Quo. So don't do it, OK?

And never iron your jeans so they have a crease in them. The sight of that will have any self-respecting woman cringing or legging it faster than a vegetarian in an abattoir. Don't forget to have a good scrub, either. And try not to turn up with fingernails that look as if you've been digging for spuds all day. "Filthy, smelly blokes are a real turn-off," our female colleagues informed us. Mind you, they don't like industrial-strength cheap aftershave either - the sort of stuff that comes off you in waves powerful enough to render them unconscious. YOU are supposed to be the knockout, remember - so resist the urge to arrive whiffing as if you've been kipping in a sheep-dip.

OK. You're clean and presentable. What next? "I hate men who turn up late and keep you waiting. That really annoys me," said a member of the Mail's promotions staff. "Or blokes who ask you to go out with them and then suggest you go Dutch," added her colleague.

This is only fair. You can't reasonably ask a woman to go on a date with you and then expect her to pay for the privilege, can you?

So far, so good. Say you've decided to take her for a meal. What now? Don't show off, for a start. "I went for dinner with a chap once," recalled a Mail sales rep. "He ordered filet mignon from the menu and that's how it was described, so that was fine. But then he proceeded to order everything else in French, too - and it wasn't even a French restaurant! Very embarrassing. And I don't like men who spend half an hour studying the wine list - and then order half a bottle of the House red." Another big No-No is talking about yourself all night. Or even worse, banging on and on about your ex-girlfriends. Learn to be a good listener instead. This does NOT mean asking her what she thinks of Liverpool's chances of making the Champions League - and then sitting back and waiting to see what she has to say. She's got a life, remember. Ask her about it - and don't nod off while she's telling you, either.

Even if you've been getting on like Romeo and Juliet, do not presume too much, far less take it as a sign that she can't wait to get to grips with your manly bod.

"I hate men who try to pin you to the wall," said another journalist, not unreasonably.

Exercise restraint in all things. If you absent-mindedly pick your nose, sit on your hands instead. Don't drink too much and sit drooling and babbling like a fool. Slurring your words is not attractive.

We've had the female advice on dating. Let us close by recalling the bitter first-date experiences of a couple of male Mail journalists. "I once had a nose-bleed all over this girl's dress. She was wearing white, too," recalled one, who cannot be named but is the proud owner of three garden sheds and knows the lyrics of Bob Dylan off by heart.

Another - who is not from Oxford - recounted how an evening of potential triumph turned to disaster.

"I spilled a pint over her," explained the bonny lad. You can see how this might put the dampeners on things, can't you?

So there you have it. Follow our first-date guide, and by the time Valentine's Day comes round next year, you should be receiving enough cards to give your postman a hernia.

Keep yourself nice.

* Love Week concludes in your Oxford Mail tomorrow.

Story date: Friday 12 February

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.