It's not the done thing for dads to become too involved in parenting

"It will take someone like David Beckham to go to similar classes before the tide changes," the father from Summertown said.

When Mike, 40, told his work colleagues he was attending parenting classes there was no end of jokes and riling, but interestingly, over time, all of them came up to him in private and asked about Man Enough. He said: "Although we are on the verge of the 21st century, it's still not the done thing for dads to become too involved in parenting. We're just expected to play football with the kids in the garden. Men who are seriously involved are not respected.

But he wasn't bothered what other people thought. The father of three young children just wanted to make sure he was doing the best he could: "No one is perfect. Everyone can be a better parent. What's wrong with that?" he asked.

But he admits he was slightly apprehensive when he signed up: "I was almost hoping Albert would have run out of places. But now I'm so glad I did it." The ten-week course run by Albert Ford, a father of four from Oxford, covers everything from discipline to communication and caters for all fathers - from single dads to house-husbands, and children of all ages. It is the first of its kind in the country.

As for the classes themselves, Mike said: "The hardest bit was active listening. Men are traditionally seen as problem solvers not listeners so I struggled with that.

"For example if a child says they don't want to go to school one morning, don't just put them in the car, find out why. It may be because they're having trouble with a subject or being bullied or teased, not just because it's Monday morning." Mike has also learned to diffuse bickering, tantrums and rivalry, form a more mutual parenting front with his partner and understand his children much better.

As a father of four, three of whom are teenagers, Geoff (he didn't want to give his surname) seems like a prime candidate for Man Enough, although his family life is happy and his children well balanced. The probation officer from Thame said: "I found I was dealing with difficult situations at work sympathetically and calmly, but at home I acted completely differently. I wanted to find out the best way of dealing with those situations and it has certainly paid off. I would recommend the classes to any dad."

But Geoff, too, experienced a negative reaction to the course: "My children were worried that I was going to the classes because they were difficult. They saw it as a reflection on them. But I explained to my daughter that it was the same as her art. She know's she's good at it but she still goes to art classes to improve. "Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done and you have to make really important decisions every day."

Geoff, 48, also enjoyed the chance to meet up with other dads and swap notes.

"It was wonderful to meet other fathers experiencing the same parenting problems and discuss the different ways of dealing with a situation.

"You realise that everyone has problems and often they are no reflection on your own parenting skills. It was also nice to have time out to think about what being a good father means." On reflection Geoff now realises that bringing up younger and older children is a completely different ball game. "It's about realising you are no longer in control of your children, adapting to that and encouraging them to be responsible for themselves.

"I don't go berserk when the phone bill arrives any more and I'm getting over the shoes in the hall. On a more serious note, if any important decisions are made we all get together and talk it over."

Both fathers are full of praise for their teacher Albert. "He is a very charismatic and energetic fellow," Geoff said. "But he teaches the Family Caring Trust Trust programme with his own insight rather than just telling you what to do." Indeed the classes are so successful that the fathers are still meeting up months after the official end to the course.

And already two of the fathers who have completed the course are training to teach their own fathering classes.

Albert, 54, said: "I can't see myself running Man Enough for ever so I'm hoping some of the dads will take it over."

But his course is already being discussed nationwide and could be the blueprint for a whole generation of fathers. As it is, several rehabilitation venues are now teaching the course in Oxfordshire. And the secret of his success: "I've been a salesman for 27 years but parenting classes for men has been a hard one to sell. Yet it's so useful and simple. Every dad who has come on the course since it started this year has benefited."

So why the need? "About 200 years ago we would never have needed this service, but we are so isolated now that when we have a baby that's the first time we have held one. It's like playing the piano - you can always get better."

Albert's next class is being held in January. For further information telephone 01865 863539.

Story date: Thursday 28 October

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