It was enough to bring on a migraine. Soldiers on patrol deep in the dense Far Eastern jungles used to suffer from the same malaise, I'm told, writes Simon Nix.
It's all to do with being surrounded at close quarters by a myriad of various objects and the eyes flicking every which way, trying desperately to refocus every other millisecond because their life depended on it.
It was the same at the launch day at the International Motorcycle and Scooter Show, being staged at Birmingham's giant NEC complex until Sunday.
There were so many bikes, accessories, tools, clothes and famous faces that it was hard to know which way to look first.
Walking down the wide aisles in the crush of people, every few seconds there would be a flash of recognition as well-known faces would pass in the opposite direction.
Isn't that er...ummm and before the brain has time to come up with the name, someone else would pass who is even more famous in the biking world.
Foggy was there, saying a sad farewell to his race fans; Chris Walker, beaten in the final round of the British Superbike Championship into runner's up slot but beaming at a recently signed future with the big boys in WSB; Honda's Colin Edwards, savouring the spoils of his world title; Dougie Lampkin, the multiple world trials champion; Steve Hislop, the Virgin-sponsored Yamaha rider who seems to have recovered from his horrendous Brands Hatch crash as well as a catalogue of other racetrack heroes like John Crawford, Neil Hodgson, Steve Plater and Chris Vermilion.
There were others, not so instantly familiar, like former biker and now race track driver and commentator Steve Parish, Olympic rowers Matthew Pinsent and James Cracknell, and members of the pop chart-topping band Five.
And then there were the new bikes. Here's just a few to whet the appetite.
The spotlight on the Honda stand was firmly on the new CBR600F and its Sports sibling. The two versions are an attempt to end the "good all rounder" slur. While the 2001 Goldwing grows in size to 1832cc, just beating the engine size of the new American-style VTX1800 cruiser, the Varadero gives birth to a 125cc V-twin version.
The junior member of the race-bred family, the GSX-R600, is also lighter and more powerful than before. If it's classic looks that you prefer, Triumph have brought back the Bonneville. Some readers may have already seen a new Bonnie being ridden in Oxfordshire by the world's motoring press. They descended on Oxford's Randolph Hotel last month for the remastered bike's UK launch.
Another blast from the past making a welcome return was the Royal Enfield 500S Clubman a 500cc Bullet being given the cafe racer treatment by Westonian-Squire, just down the road at Bourton-on-the Water.
Talking of local firms, EP Barrus, of Launton Road, Bicester proudly announced the addition of a new cruiser to the Victory range that they distribute in the UK.
The V92c Deluxe is something of a Harley lookalike and the 1500cc V-twin is aching for its new owner to customise it further with a wealth of factory accessories that range from full-skirted fenders to leather lever grips. Barrus, which already market the Moto-roma scooter range, also launched a stunning little race replica for 16-year-olds and above, the Motorhispania RX50.
Aprilia unveiled the RST1000 Future, a stealth fighter-shaped sports tourer using a 113bhp version of the Mille's V-twin, and for those who like to sit upright, the ETV1000 Capo Nord provides only slightly less power in a faintly Paris-Dakar styled machine.
Yamaha can now offer a real challenge to the budget sports bike market with the FZS 1000 Fazer. The 600 version was acclaimed as head and shoulders above its rivals, so big brother is bound to be a winner with an R1-engine nestling under a semi-naked skin. For those who like to tour with partner and lots of luggage, check out the new FJR 1300, with its 143bhp and electrically adjusted windshield.
On the Kawasaki stand 'retro' seemed to be the buzzword. An Eddie Lawson replica, the ZRX 1200R musclebike, also comes in naked and half-faired versions. Not content with the head-turning V-Raptor, Cagiva have now brought out the Xtra-Raptor. This stunning machine, of which only 999 will be made, shares the same thumping 1000cc power but has sharper handling and lashings of carbon fibre.
Scooters are the fastest growing sector of the market and as manufacturers realise that many riders want more power, they have produced ever-bigger twist-and-go machines. The latest offerings include Piaggio's 500cc X9, Honda's 582cc Silverwing, and Yamaha's XP500 Tmax. Gilera offers the only half-way house and that is the new 180cc and 125cc DNA.
Strangely, some of the biggest crowds were to be found looking at the 'you will never afford me' bikes. How about the Benelli Tornado with the eye-catching cooling fans under the seat and a 21,000 price tag? Or the Munch mammut, with the Sierra Cosworth turbo-charged 260bhp engine got a spare 53,000? Alternately, what about the MTT Y2K Superbike with a gas turbine engine lifted from an 'Airwolf' helicopter that produces 286bhp at the rear wheel. The price? Don't even ask!
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