If there is anyone out there who knows how to do the rain dance, please report to Thames Water headquarters immediately.

The company needs all the help it can get to ward off what looks like an inevitable summer hosepipe ban.

For those of you too young to remember this quaint British tradition, here's how it works.

You will not have to worry about watering the garden or washing the car, because you will probably be arrested if you do.

You will get to know your neighbours very well, as you will be forced to share a bath or shower with them.

Your social life will take off too, as you make new friends queuing up at the water tanker when your supply is cut off altogether.

It doesn't have to be that way, of course.

The water companies could do a better job of fixing their leaking mains, thus saving billions of gallons in lost supplies each year.

And we could stop taking this precious resource for granted and do everything possible to conserve water all year round.

But we won't. Because we live in a fantasy land where there is a limitless supply of everything.

So when the water goes off and you're sitting there in your tepid, half-empty bath, don't complain.

Budge over instead, because Mrs Higgins is on the way round with her loofah.