Alistair Morris with his children Bethan, 11, and Calum, nine Last month Alistair Morris hit the headlines when he was nominated in a national Mum of the Year competition.

A bit of fun instigated by his daughter Bethan, he modestly laughed off his chances and got on with caring for his family.

But 11-year-old Bethan's letter attracted the attention of the judges and rightly so, for when his wife Michele died of cancer in 2000, Alistair turned his whole life upside down to become both a father and mother to his children.

The last five years have been a struggle for the 44-year-old volunteer coordinator from Little Milton.

Faced with the need to both comfort and care for his children, while also coping with his own loss, he often felt isolated.

But with the help of family and friends and his own determination, he has adapted to his 'dual' role and now shares his experiences with other bereaved people.

Alistair's wife Michele died aged just 42, from the rare cancer paraganglioma, leaving Alistair and their children, Bethan, then six, and Callum, just four.

"Before Michele died there had been two years of treatment and regular hospital appointments -- she even returned to work a couple of times as head of French at Donnington Middle School," explained Alistair.

"But I was told by the doctors in the November that she had less than a year to live and she died in the June.

"I don't feel I was in denial, but when she did talk about how I would cope, I used to say 'Don't be silly' or 'That's not going to happen.'

"But she did say to me that she felt comfortable in the knowledge that I would be able to take good care of the children."

Alistair had been working part-time, while caring for the children. But there were still many things he had to learn when Michele died.

He said: "Of course there was double the work at home and we did have an au pair for a short time. But as their dad, I worried most about the huge loss of maternal care they had suffered.

"I always kiss and cuddle them as much as possible, but at the end of the day I'm a normal bloke, and I felt they were missing out on the warmth and softness they would get from their mum.

"One of the greatest shames is that Callum was so young when Michele died that he will have very few memories of her. Bethan is also coming to a time when things will be happening for her and I worry that I don't have that one person there who can advise her." He added: "Friends and family really rallied around in the first six months, but everyone has lives to lead and after a while a lot of the help whittles away.

"The pain and trauma don't stop after six months though.

"Some people in the village still go that extra mile, and I'm thankful for that.

"I heard about See-Saw, (which is based in Headington and offers help for the bereaved), and went to one of their coffee mornings, where I heard about the Widowed and Young (WAY) Foundation.

"So far I have been involved in organising walking breaks for bereaved parents and their children. It's great for us all to spend time together, having gone through similar experiences.

"As a widower, one of the hardest things is spending time alone, but WAY offers the chance to sit and chat with other people and I recently joined their national committee.

"Although life is hectic, I feel it's important to keep Michele's spirit alive. I don't force her into the discussion, she comes up naturally. She was also a member of the Woodstock Players and loved the Sound of Music, so when the show came to town I dressed up as Maria for fun and took the children to see it.

"Michele truly was the best mum, wife and friend anyone could wish to have and I'm a very poor substitute. There's no way I could ever fill her shoes, but we're doing OK.

"Up until now, Father's Day hasn't really been a big thing in our house -- but maybe this year, now they're older, I'll get that cup of tea in bed -- that would be nice."