I tried to buy a simple mobile phone to replace the one I keep in the glove compartment of my car and use for emergencies.

It is the size of a modest brick and weighs a ton. Give me a small one with no camera, no space invader games -- just a basic mobile phone, I said to the man in the shop.

It was if I had asked him for the Crown Jewels.

"No camera?" he queried.

"No camera," I repeated.

"No games facility?"

"No thank you."

Realising I must have recently arrived from the Planet Zog, he went on to explain how these machines had progressed. Surely I wanted to keep up with fashion?

The last word lit the fuse paper. Fashion -- that's what these phones have become. A fashion accessory.

I left. The brick is still in service.

Charles Conrad

Windwill Road

Headington

Oxford