RICHARD BELL puts in the hours to check out Urban Goodies at The Regal.

I think I’m getting old... Obviously I am (because everyone is of course) but I’ve had one of those moments when you realise that, day by day, that second hand seems to move ever so slightly faster, forcing me to realise that all effort is futile as I’m drawn closer with every tick and tock to that burial plot where we all finally turn to dust.

Phew... must have been watching too much Buffy.

Anyway, something about this club night in particular made me feel the marching of years more than usual, and bizarrely it wasn’t that the music was too loud, or too awful, or that the kids were dressed in what apparently passes for fashion these days.

No, it was one very simple fact actually, and it was this – it was on far too late and I just wanted to be in bed.

Turning up at the club at 11pm and being told by the manager that I should maybe try coming back in an hour when it would really have got going was a terrible shock to my feeble and fatigued frame.

Imagine, I had to trudge back to my home to play videogames until it was time to go out (I mean, really!). Why they decided to tuck this night into the darkest recesses of the evening is something of a mystery to me, because it actually had a huge amount to offer.

Radio 1’s urban guru Ras Kwame presided over the night’s festivities, lending the masterful hand of experience to the up-and-coming talent he presented, including Funky Dee, Princess Nyah and Cameo on the decks with Kwame himself presiding over the events like some Olympian God surveying his minions from his throne of flashing lights (vinyl LPs and, I should imagine, ample booty at his beck and call).

The stage was surrounded by huge TV screens showing the kind of dancing you only ever see on screens like this; that is, dancing that is far too silly and simply impossible for real people to ever attempt.

Truly impressive however were the mammoth projections on the walls on either side of the stage.

The sheer enormity of these was enough to make you feel like we all do when you stare up into the abyss of space.

Uh-oh... must have been watching too much Star Trek.

The Regal offers fantastic drinks deals for a club of this size and on a Saturday night, when clubs tend to hike up their prices to the absolute maximum, they’re a steal.

Deals include a £3 draught lager which I hastily took advantage of (and why not? – over the last few months I’ve become programmed to expect each drink to come with a nine-month payment plan and 40 per cent interest rate).

So there you have it, a brilliant night out for a decent price with big names and the unmistakeable mark of quality that an experienced Radio 1 DJ brings to such an event.

Unfortunately, my experience was tainted by the late hour of the proceedings, and after just a couple of beers I was yearning for my slippers and a mug of cocoa.

Check back next week when I will be moaning about kids these days and how the grass was greener when I was a lad... Phew... must have been watching too much Last of The Summer Wine.