Living here is murder

The sleepy villages and hamlets of Midsomer Murders alone have witnessed 200 murders and suspicious deaths in just 66 episodes, while Inspector Morse’s majestic Oxford saw 91 stabbings, shootings and bludgeonings in just 33 films. In Lewis, the ‘rookie’ of the three crime series, you can expect an average of two grisly deaths an episode.

But what would a real detective make of the strange and often improbable crimes that land on the desks of his TV counterparts, and their methods in cracking the case? Debbie Waite asked the head of Oxford CID, Det Insp Simon Morton what he made of the TV crimes committed on his patch.

INSPECTOR MORSE The Inspector Morse TV series was based on the 33 detective novels written by Oxford’s Colin Dexter.

Many episodes were filmed in and around the city.

Veteran Blue Badge guide and author of The Oxford of Inspector Morse and Lewis, Bill Leonard, said: “Morse’s cases were often highly improbable and although suspects often confessed to their crimes, which they probably wouldn’t do in real-life, hardly any of the cases went to court because most were based on intuition.

“As opposed to traditional policing methods, Morse would often tend to work out a crime though a person’s motivation.”

In The Wolvercote Tongue, screened on Christmas Day 1987, an American tourist is found dead in a hotel room, apparently from a heart attack. Morse (John Thaw, above) suspects foul play and a jewel belonging to the victim goes missing.

Mr Leonard said: “Basically Morse suspects the tourist has been murdered. Then an Oxford University Fellow murders his wife and also the curator of the Ashmolean because the two were having an affair. It turns out that the tourist wasn’t murdered, but was a red herring and the Fellow is eventually caught when his alibi of being in London is disproved simply by Morse using a copy of the train timetable.”

Mr Morton said: “Morse is a very insular character who spurns involvement with others and prefers to go on his own hunches, but Senior Investigating Officers for the force deal with a murder like a conductor leads an orchestra.

“They work closely with the family, the local community and inform everyone what is happening through the media. The whole investigation is a team effort and every person in the team has an equal voice – often some of the less experienced officers can come up with a breakthrough or a lead that solves a case or opens a new avenue of inquiry.

“Also, the relationships Morse has, for example with the Home Office pathologist, always make me smile. They seem to love to hate each other, and their lackadaisical approach to key samples and exhibits makes me wince.

“But like Morse I really enjoy Classic FM when I’m working as it helps me think. I also love classic cars and have had my share. And now the sun is here I use a 1956 Triton motorcycle to get around on. I’ve spent a couple of years building it and it’s finally on the road.”

LEWIS With Kevin Whately as Det Insp Robbie Lewis and Laurence Fox as Det Sgt James Hathaway, Lewis is the spin-off to Inspector Morse and is also set in Oxford.

Lewis works for the Oxfordshire Constabulary, which was abolished when it amalgamated with neighbouring forces to form Thames Valley Police in 1968.

Like its counterparts, Lewis doesn’t profess to mimic the methods of the police and its largely bloodless murders and plots are pretty far-fetched.

In the first episode, the discovery of a corpse in the Bodleian Library turns out to be connected to an austistic genius’s ability to mimic the handwriting of 19th century poets.

Whately himself has said: “The programme was always conceived as fantasy, it was not meant to be realistic. I think the police themselves like Morse and Lewis because we don’t try to be real.”

Indeed, St Aldate’s station in Oxford has a plaque, erected on the station by the Inspector Morse Society, which marks the force’s close relationship with the character.

The plaque replaced a makeshift version that officers placed in the office of Supt Jim Trotman saying ‘Inspector Morse’s office’.

Other officers still have cherished cardboard cut-outs of Morse and Lewis in their departments.

MIDSOMER MURDERS Midsomer Murders’ Det Chief Insp Tom Barnaby (John Nettles) has solved the murder of a woman strangled in woods near Wallingford, a man bludgeoned to death with a cricket bat in Watlington and the mystery of a naked body found in a crop circle at Stanton St John.

At least 34 of the 66 Midsomer episodes have been shot in Oxfordshire, with Wallingford’s Market Place and Corn Exchange frequently doubling as the show’s fictional main town of Causton.

Methods for murder have included poison by frog toxin, death by spin drier and bludgeoning by saucepan.

Judgement Day, broadcast on January 29, 2000, was filmed in Nettlebed and Watlington, and involves two local burglars — one of them Hollywood star Orlando Bloom.

When the rogues decide to rob an elderly actor they are seen and it’s not long before Barnaby has tracked them down.

Unfortunately, before Barnaby can feel his collar, Bloom is found with a pitchfork embedded in his chest. Then someone is poisoned with cyanide and a couple of people are stabbed, raising the death count considerably and seriously jeopardising the village’s chances in the Perfect Village competition.

As always, Barnaby and his sidekick Troy have all four murders sewn up in a couple of days.

Mr Morton said: “If we had those incidents here the force would pour in resources from our Major Crime department. Local detectives and the neighbourhood would be heavily involved, as would I.

“Nothing as serious as these offences would be left to one or two officers. We have a co-ordinated structured response to major incidents that does not leave anything to chance.

“Basically it’s a far cry from Morse, Lewis and Barnaby taking just 24 hours to solve a multiple murder. And as for Barnaby’s long lunches in country pubs when he’s working — I wish! I barely have time for breakfast let alone stop for a break during the day.”