LIKE many others, I lost over half of my pension with Equitable Life as a result of the Government’s regulatory failure.

I relied on the interest from my meagre savings to supplement my pension, but that interest is now virtually zero following the country’s ecomonic collapse – although those responsible appear to be rewarded for their failure.

I find that I am now having to dip into my rapidly diminishing savings in order to pay some of my bills.

However, I believe I have hit upon a solution to these financial problems – become an MP!

I quite fancy a second home paid for by my parliamentary expenses, which I could let out to provide further income.

My existing home could do with a complete redecoration and my wife would love to have a new kitchen with all the appliances replaced.

We seem to be alright for bath plugs at the moment and I don’t really go in for porn, but I could do with my TV being upgraded, and would very much like to watch England test matches and see top soccer teams in action for free, or on expenses.

I could endure being forced to go on ‘fact-finding’ tours around the world, with all expenses paid, and presumably could take my wife or daughter as my researcher or diarist.

It seems vast sums are also available for improving my garden.

I would be quite happy to join any of the main parties, vote when and how I am told, ask pre-scripted questions when required, and generally toe the line – provided I get my seat on the gravy train. Any offers?

GORDON CLACK, Witney Road, Ducklington