It seems that this week has been THE week to launch your new club night.
Wednesday saw the launch of You! Me! Dancing! at the Regal, and Monday saw the launch of Monday Club at the Carling Academy. Monday Club is a welcome addition to the Oxford clubbing scene.
Unfortunately, you could only describe the name as imaginative if you’d had a lobotomy performed by a medieval quack doctor. The name gives nothing away.
One might start to imagine that it is just a room full of people complaining about the fact it’s Monday, accompanied by a soundtrack of Manic Monday by the Bangles, Monday Morning by Fleetwood Mac and New Order’s Blue Monday, just played over and over on a loop and everyone dressed like they’re at the office. But no, it’s an electro house night aimed at students and weeknight party goers, so my imagined club night couldn’t be further from the truth.
Cue bright, fluorescent colours and promiscuous twenty-year-olds spasming on the dance floor as if the mobile phone in their pocket had the vibrate setting turned to EXTREME.
The Academy website tells punters to ‘expect cheap drinks and the noisiest mash ups from the likes of Simian Mobile Disco, Daft Punk and CSS’. This blurb certainly set my clubbing buds salivating, as Monday nights are usually the realms of the indie night and I can’t think of a single regular night entirely devoted to electro house.
So you see, my original complaints about the name of the night were simply to create a balanced review, as I actually have very few bad things to say about it.
It does seem like the thought process behind launching new club nights this week is only based upon lukewarm logic.
Students are slowly coming back, but this is Oxford Brookes' first week — I know from experience that no one will venture out of the Student Union for weeks to come.
Therefore, Monday Club wasn’t as busy as it could have been, so I’ll have to give it the benefit of the doubt as far as saying I’m sure it will do very well in the future.
I enjoyed a cheap pint of Carling, but to stay within the legal driving limit I switched to soft drinks after that, but not before I ran to the toilets to bash my head against the wall, hold my breath for three minutes and then immediately inhale 10 times directly from the hand drier’s air flow (this has been scientifically proven to turn the effects of one pint of lager into the effects of 10 pints and a bag of pork scratchings).
So I ran out on to the dance floor and danced until my little legs could take no more.
Actually I made this ‘alcohol amplification’ technique up, so only try this at home if you’re brave and particularly stupid.
I did dance though, and had a devilishly good time. Who knows, maybe one day soon I’ll go there with friends and spend the whole night getting lashed.
Then my workmates can deal with my horrendous hangover the next day. But now Monday Club is in existence, I don’t want to hear anyone say that Mondays are a terrible way to spend a seventh of your life, because it simply isn’t true.
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