Did you know they've banned smoking at the John Radcliffe? Not just inside and by the entrance, but across the entire site. I only discovered it recently when on one of my rare visits to my doctor's (do I hear a muffled 'Hah! coming from that direction?) which is on the site. I needed to go to my doctor's to pick up a prescription for the drugs I'm currently on. Ecstasy. Admittedly, I'm dropping about 20 'e's day, but then according to a recent Horizon programme, Ecstasy is much safer than tobacco. Why don't you try it, kids? You know it makes sense. Instead of sloping off round the back of the bike sheds at breaktime for a crafty fag when teacher's looking the other way, slip one little e and you'll be sorted (say, 20 of those a day for 50 years and you won't even do any harm to yourself. Apart from getting a bit thirsty, perhaps. Must be true. A scientist said so).
Anyway, I do realise that secondhand cigarette smoke is the most toxic substance on earth (and, thank God, be grateful that since WWI the Geneva Conventions outlaw that horrific, barbaric practice of chemical warfare, whereby our troops in the trenches would light up and then blow the smoke towards the Germans' lines), but one wouldn't have thought that, if a patient was to wheel himself out to the middle of the cricket pitch in a Force Ten, drip trailing along behind, it would really harm anyone else.
Actually, though, according to the signs, smoking is not just banned, but FORBIDDEN.
'Ja, Mein Herr', one can imagine whoever came up with the wording saying, clicking his heels together while screwing a monocle into his eye, 'Das Ist Korrect. Smoken Ist VERBOTEN'
Probably followed up with, "Ve vill only treet you if Vear a Spiky Helmet'
Makes you wonder what other catchy little slogans they could come up with. An exhortation that through work one will find freedom, perhaps? Although maybe that sounds better in German too.
Still, I lit up in the grounds (just about) to show them. What are they going to do? Come on, do you want some? Eh, eh?