Scene one:
Interior: Harvey Weinstein's office.
Jude Law enters and flashes one of his cheeky chappy smiles.
JUDE: Harvey, you're not gonna believe this, but I've found the perfect project.
HARVEY (suspicious): It's not another Michael Caine remake is it?
JUDE: Uh…yes. But before you go on about the woefully ill-conceived ego trip that was Alfie, or indeed the ludicrously pointless Sleuth, listen to this.
JUDE USHERS HARVEY INTO A CHAIR, CLOSES THE DOOR AND STANDS RESPLENDANT IN ACTORLY POSE.
JUDE: Right, picture this. A blazing hot sun beating down on an endless vista of sand.
HARVEY: The Man Who Would Be King! Great choice, Jude.
JUDE: No, too philosophical. I'm being chased by an irate local.
HARVEY: Zulu! Inspired.
JUDE: Too political. There's a beautiful young girl in a bikini.
HARVEY (incredulous): You've got to be kidding Jude. Nobody, not even Sadie Frost would pay to watch you camp it up in a remake of Austin Powers-Goldmember.
JUDE: Come on Harvey, I've got more class than that.
HARVEY: So what is it then?
JUDE (smiling inanely): Blame It On Rio.
CUT TO:
Exterior: Office block.
From the twelfth-floor window a body falls to certain death onto the sidewalk.
THE END
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