My History

My life has been quite a rollercoaster of emotions!!

At the age of 16 was when things went wrong for me. I decided to go on the depo injection which I thought was great!! No periods for 6 months!! Wow!! At that age I really didn’t realise how important it was to have periods on a regular monthly basis!

I rapidly began to put on weight. I went from a healthy looking size 14 to a size 18 in about 3 months. My emotions and hormones were all over the place! In fact at one point I was convinced that I was pregnant! I brought about 6 tests which all kept coming back as negative but I didn’t believe them, I wasn’t having periods I was putting on weight I MUST be pregnant. In the end I went to the doctors and they explained that I was having a phantom pregnancy! At the age of 16 that was the hardest experience to go through I was taken off all types of contraception after that so that my body could start to develop properly without any drugs being put in to it. I was referred to hospital every 6 months and put on a medication called Metformin which was used to help me lose the weight and can also be used for polycystic ovaries I have had several serious relationships where I have had to explain about my situation as of course they wanted to know why I was not on any type of contraception. Even though in some relationships we did not use contraception nothing happened and I began to get worried.

At 20 I made another visit to the doctors and explained that my partner and I had discussed things and would like to try for a baby but we were not having any luck. Once again I was referred to the hospital where I was being tested and was put on a course of ovulation tablets but again nothing happened! I also had an operation called a laparoscopy where they check my tubes in case they are blocked but that came back ok too. I remember coming round after the operation and the doctor coming round to discuss our results. The woman to my left had been told they found cists and she would need another operation for these to be removed!! What were they going to tell me!?!!? the doctor sat on my bed and his words were “ we found nothing wrong with you so you need IVF to have a child” and with that he walked off! My mum was with me at the time and we both sat there and cried! Happy because there wasn’t anything seriously wrong but then upset because why me? why couldn’t I have children naturally!?

As years went on I came to terms with the fact that I was not going to be able to have children. It wasn’t easy! I kept thinking I was not a real woman! What man would love me if I couldn’t give him a child! But I had to stay positive!

I had a decent job and friends and family that cared so I could not keep getting depressed about my situation. I started a accountancy course one day a week and became more confident. If I couldn’t be a mum then I was going to be a great career woman!

Then that is when it happened……… I didn’t have regular 28 day cycles like most women but I had started to have periods every 35 days.

on May 14th I was a week and a half late coming on so I thought I would do a test to clear my mind and when it came out negative I would go to doctors just to get checked out, it was probably just stress with work. Only it didn’t come back negative!! OH MY GOD!! WAS I READING THIS RIGHT!!

I sat there for about half an hour in a complete daze! I kept picking up the test looking at the box and checking it. No this cant be right! I cant have children!! So I did the other test too! Two pregnancy test reading the same. I didn’t know whether to run round the house screaming with excitement or cry! So I cried ha ha. That night I went to the doctors and got some advise on what I was supposed to do next. Then I drove to my best friends house and told her! Obviously she was really pleased for me but was in shock too! Next thing to do was to tell my parents! I knew that they were going to be pleased for me but I was not with the father so I was a little scared that they were going to be angry and disappointed!

That night when I got back I stood in the kitchen plucking up the courage!! I told my mum at first! I knew it would be easier to tell her and plus I cant keep anything from her, she is like my best mate! She took the news well! Then we told my dad! At first he stood with his arms crossed and didn’t say anything! I was his little girl and I knew that he wanted more for me. After about 10 mins he gave me a big hug, and said that he was ok. He was pleased for me as he never thought it would ever happen to me but had wished it had been under different circumstances.

The next few weeks were really bizarre! Here I was 6 weeks pregnant so still early days so couldn’t tell the world even though I wanted to but I was also really scared in case it all went wrong.

I had to start telling a few close friends and the rest of the family as they started getting a little suspicious as to why this party girl was not going out drinking and clubbing Other friends I told I was on a detox as I had been drinking loads lately and I wanted to lose weight! No body thought anything of it! why would they? They knew I had been told I couldn’t have children!

Between 11 and 12 weeks I began to let more people know! I couldn’t hold it in any more!! I was getting bigger and I just wanted to spread the good news! Everyone I spoke to all reacted the same! Absolutely gobsmacked!! Asking how? But you cant have children they would say! I know! I have proved the doctors wrong!!

On 27th June I had my first scan. My dad came with me which meant so much! He was now more chatty about the pregnancy and was even suggesting names. I am a daddy’s girl and to have his blessing was all I wanted so to share this moment with him was fantastic.

As we sat in the waiting room I was looking round at the other couples. it was quite an emotional time for me, I was happy but also a little upset as I wish I had been sat there next to my child’s father and that we were a nice happy couple like them.

Three quarters of an hour passed!! Surely I had to be seen soon!! Sat there with a full bladder was absolute agony!! Another 15 mins and then FINALLY my name was called My heart was beating so fast! I started to panic. What if they didn’t find anything? What if I was having another phantom pregnancy!? What if there was something really wrong with my baby As I laid on the bed I just kept thinking “ please god just let there be nothing wrong” and then I saw it! my baby! Lying there with it’s legs in the air!! It was the most amazing feeling ever!! It had a little move around while the radiographer was taking measurements, then I got to see its heart beating!! THIS IS IT!! I AM GOING TO BE A MUMMY!!!

Nothing can ever prepare you for that feeling just before you see your child for the first time and it all becomes real I have now started looking at baby clothes and items. I have got a few ideas on what I would like my child to have. I have all also decided that when I have my 20 week scan I am not going to find out what sex it is. It doesn’t matter to me!! as long as it is healthy then that is all that matters!

My baby!! My miracle!!