Most of us take for granted confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and the freedom to be ourselves. But for the victims of bullying, these things are a luxury - something they perhaps knew once upon a time, but can barely remember now.

Yet the devastating effects of this kind of vindictive and destructive behaviour can run even deeper, often causing permanent or long-term damage.

And it is not just those directly on the receiving end of bullies' malice who suffer. Friends and family often pay the price too.

Research by Parentline Plus even suggests that the knock-on effects can snowball still further.

A spokesperson for the charity said: "Not only are parents of bullies telling us that they are losing control, but the statistics demonstrate the very high levels of conflict both within families, the school and the local community."

Experts such as developmental psychologist Dr Michael Eslea say there are two main types of bullies.

Leaders' are quite Machiavellian and bully to be head of the gang' and retain their status, while followers' are the leader's henchmen', and bully because they struggle to interact with people in any other way.

Bullying expert Professor Helen Cowie, director of the UK Observatory, which promotes non-violence by addressing bullying and aggression among children, explained: "Bullies are often lacking in people empathy," she says. "They just don't understand the effect that their behaviour - and bullying - has on others."

Whatever the underlying causes, and irrespective of the type of bully or the form that their bullying takes - from hair pulling, name calling, punching and kicking, to intimidation, spreading rumours and shunning others - it is essential that action is taken sooner, rather than later.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS OF VICTIMS

One of the most tragic things about bullying is that all too often the victim believes that they deserve everything that is thrown at them.

They tend to be totally petrified that things will just get worse if they speak out and tell someone about their ordeal.

Offering emotional and practical support to your child will also strengthen your bond with them and take a huge weight off their shoulders.

If you are worried that your child is being bullied, ask them outright, as gently as you can, but don't be surprised if they deny it at first. Then try some of the following approaches: Reassure them that you love them and are concerned about whatever is troubling them.

Let them know that it is not their fault, that they are not alone - and that the problem can be sorted out.

Make practical suggestions like keeping their friends close, and avoiding being the last one in the changing rooms or to leave school.

Encourage them to join groups like the Brownies or Cubs or to develop a hobby or sport to help boost their confidence and take their mind off things.

Help boost their self-confidence and self-image with praise, and give them responsibilities around the home.

Most schools have a policy for dealing with bullies, so have a discreet chat with your child's form tutor, head of year or head teacher. Work together to tackle the problem.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS OF BULLIES

Should you suspect things are the other way around and that your child is not a victim, but a bully, it Is still important to find out what's going on from him or her and talk to the relevant people at school.

Make sure you stay calm throughout the process and don't get defensive, even though it is undoubtedly heartbreaking to be faced with the prospect of your child behaving in this way. Try the following: Reassure him or her that you love them, but explain that you don't like their behaviour, and that it has to stop.

Find out if there is something troubling them. Perhaps someone close has died, or left, and bullying might be their way of expressing their anger.

Try to find a way for your child to make amends for their behaviour and reward them whenever they are good.

Teach them that there is a difference between aggressive' behaviour and assertive' behaviour.

Try to teach them non-aggressive ways of reacting to situations, but emphasise to them that you won't be pushed around' by them.

Talk to school staff and set realistic goals for your child to achieve. If they are striving to attain too high a standard, it could result in even more anger and frustration.

MORE INFORMATION: Parentline Plus is a national charity that is on call 24 hours a day, seven-days-a-week. Call their helpline on 0808 800 2222, or vist the website: www.parentlineplus.org.uk Kidscape is committed to helping prevent bullying and keeping children safe from it.

Website: wwww.kidscape.org.uk If you are being bullied yourself, you can call ChildLine, on 0800 1111 to have a confidential chat. Website: www.childline.org.uk