Attention, citizens, here is the latest news from the ministry of misinformation in London - inflation is low.

Really, says who? Statistics - you can't argue with statistics.

As Mark Twain observed there are lies, damn lies and statistics.

The price of butter is up by 60 per cent, bread and other food prices are at an all-time high, fuel prices rise by the hour, beer costs at least 25p more than it did a few weeks ago, mortgage payments are up etc, etc.

If the Government's calculator says that inflation is so low, it may need new batteries.

These Government bods are experts at manipulating figures to enable the correct answers to materialise as if by magic, and all these statistics can be used to give very different answers to fool most, if not all, the population.

Then we have crime statistics showing public order offences up 80 per cent and possession of drugs up by 86 per cent.

But police say the sharp increase in violence and drug possession is due to better policing - sorry, would you run that by me again?

Apparently, it's because police are witnessing more crime and more crime is being reported.

Piffle. Most people don't bother reporting crime as nothing happens most of the time, apart from victims being given a crime number.

When will senior policemen and governing bodies inform the so-called Government to clear off, stop giving the police stupid forms to fill in and let them do what most of them joined for - getting out on the street and stopping disorder before it starts, and solving proper crimes instead of trying to hit targets by arresting people, for silly midemeanours.

Statistically, with only one in 58 police officers on the beat, let's try for two - that's a 100 per cent increase - or 10 or 50 - that's something like a 1,000,000 per cent increase.

Who knows - with all those proper coppers out on the street, we may see a real drop in crime without hiding behind statistics.

Don't hold your breath, though.

Tony Anchors, Didcot