Right, let's establish some ground rules first of all - 1. No matter what I or any other critic may write, you WILL go to see this film (and that's as certain as death and taxes).

2. And two, if you didn't, you'd be mad...

Why?

Because this isn't just another film, another predictable sequel (after all, it hasn't been called 'Raiders of The Lost Ark IV', thank god).

Plus, after 19 years always away from the big screen, any normal, well-balanced individual is bound to want to see if a 65-year-old archaeological professor can still survive being run over by a truck.

And last but not least, the man with the bullwhip and wide-brimmed fedora is as loved as Buzz Lightyear, James Bond and Superman

Click here to see a trailer of the movie

But before the verdict, what's the story - assuming of course that really matters?

Well, the ramshackle narrative begins at an airfield in 1957 Nevada where our fedora-clad adventurer and pal Mac (Ray Winstone) first encounter villainous Soviet agent Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) and her gun-toting goons.

Indy whip-cracks and wisecracks his way out of trouble and returns to Marshall College where Dean Stanforth (Jim Broadbent) asks the professor to take "an indefinite leave of absence".

A chance encounter at the railway station with rebellious greaser Mutt (Shia LaBeouf), an acquaintance of Indy's old pal Professor Oxley (Hurt), sets the archaeologist on a quest to locate the legendary Crystal Skull of Akator.

Alas, Irina and her henchmen also seek the artefact, and they intend to use Indy to locate it - by threatening to kill old flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) if he doesn't help him.

And that's it in a nutshell - minus the flesh eating ants, the rapids, the quicksand, the motorcycle chase, the atomic explosion, the fridge etc.

So, is Indy still the guy we all fell in love with back in 1981? (when he didn't qualify for a bus pass?).

No...

Think 'Last of The Summer Wine' as directed by Steven Spielberg.

Remember how each episode of 'Wine' ends with pensioners rolling down a hill in a wheelbarrow? Add CGI effects and you've practically recreated on the big screen the 'magic' of this small screen sitcom.

It's such a shame because Indy IS an icon, and his three previous adventures have been so enjoyable.

But beware - 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' is positively embarrassing, especially when Indy and Marion Ravenwood (from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark') attempt to re-kindle the sexual chemistry of their first film together.

Sure it has action sequences, and some are impressive. but only in a been-there-and-seen-that-before type way.

Oh, and there's a bit of 'The X-Files' with burettes thrown in for good measure too.

The effects are dodgy, the dialogue trite, but worst of all it lacks charm. And one thing Indy ALWAYS had, was charm...

Verdict: One-and-a-half fedoras out of 5 (out of respect for Compo).

Readers' verdicts

Roz Tremain, aged 20, from Iffley: I thought it was a really good cast but what a complete lack verisimilitude (of believability). The humour was really slapstick and I guess I just thought it was okay. Verdict: 3 fedoras out of 5

Heath Stokes, 38, from Bladon: Awful. I can't believe we had to wait 19 years and that was the best they could come up with. In fact, it was so bad it was actually embarrassing. Verdict: 1 fedora out of 5.

Caia Fiocco, 22, of the Banbury Road: The first hour was so convoluted, it was difficult to follow. But from then on it relaxed a bit and it became more enjoyable. But overall I was disappointed.Verdict: 2 fedoras out of 5

Clare Smith, 25, of Central Oxford: An enjoyable no-brainer - that's it! Nowhere near as good as the previous three and just too fantastic. Verdict: 2 fedoras out of 5.

Hannah Skoda, 25, of Central Oxford: Really fun, and I thought Cate Blanchett was excellent. But I thought the plot wasn't very good and Harrison Ford did look quite tired. Verdict: 3 fedoras out of 5