If you were in Glasgow on April 3 this year, then you're doomed!
The Scottish city saw the an outbreak of the deadly Reaper virus, prompting the Government to act swiftly (for once) and construct a steel wall along Scotland's border. So begins the nightmarish scenario of Doomsday, a post-apocalyptic action romp with echoes of 28 Days Later and (worryingly) Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
Writer-director Neil Marshall's appetite for carnage, whetted in his first two films Dog Soldiers and The Descent, is portrayed on a much grander scale, including one character being flambéed alive then eaten by a carnivorous rabble.
The film begins proper in London 2035. Prime Minister John Hatcher (Siddig) and his scheming aide Michael Canaris (O'Hara) summon Department of Domestic Security Chief Bill Nelson (Hoskins) to an urgent meeting.
The Reaper virus has been detected in the capital ... Unless a counteragent can be found within 48 hours, London will be ground zero for a global pandemic.
But satellite photographs reveal people alive and well in Glasgow. Apparently there are survivors of the virus, so Nelson assembles a crack team to cross the wall and find a cure.
Major Eden Sinclair (Mitra), an evacuee from Glasgow during the initial outbreak, leads the covert mission, joined by Sergeant Norton (Lester) and his troops, and doctors Talbot (Pertwee) and Stirling (Morfitt).
Doomsday begins promisingly but skitters into the realm of the ridiculous once the team encounter the barbaric survivors led by Sol (Conway) and his punk-rocker heathens.
McDowell's raspy voiceover, dictating Kane's case notes, gives rise to more unintentional hilarity: "They've begun to feed off each other. It's medieval out there!"
Mitra's ballsy heroine, who lost an eye in childhood and now uses her hi-tech falsie as a camera to peer around corners, is emotionally untouched by her journey into the dead zone, and consequently so are we.
Supporting cast suffer inglorious fates at the hands of Sol or Kane's disciples, until the climactic car chase that sets every screech of burning rubber to Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Two Tribes".
"A one is all that you can score," declares lead singer Holly Johnson.
Marshall's film warrants slight more, but not much.
Action/Horror. Rhona Mitra, Malcolm McDowell, Bob Hoskins, Sean Pertwee, Alexander Siddig, Adrian Lester, Darren Morfitt, Craig Conway. Director: Neil Marshall.
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